"If you step on someone's face, they will get sad - it doesn't feel good."

Why do I feel like I've said similar words before? Hmm. Anyway, I'm trying a different approach to correcting such behavior. I feel that these kinds of occurrences where it's a semi-accident need to be addressed differently than, say, a kid-version of a malicious act. I know my 3 year old was only trying to get off the couch this morning but he failed to take into account that his sister was lying down right where his foot would land. Perhaps I was simply trying to open his eyes, so to speak. Perhaps I was trying to tap into his emotions and help him empathize. Perhaps I was just trying not to say, "Why would you do that?! Watch where you're stepping! or the ever-effective, Would you like it if I stepped on your face?!"

"She does pretty well with a bucket on her head."

And she really did. She was walking around, not bumping into too many things, almost able to go down the slide - if the bucket hadn't been so big that it didn't fit in between the plastic poles. And she left it on for quite a lot longer than I would have imagined it to be comfortable. I was honestly impressed. I don't think I would have been as successful in not getting hurt.

"Just eat the cheese. I don't like what you're doing to it."

We've been camping all weekend and yesterday at lunch time we were sitting in the camper having lunch. My daughter had taken her turkey and cheese sandwich apart and was nibbling on the turkey, then the cheese. But then I guess she got bored with the whole 'chewing' thing and resorted to licking her cheese and admiring her work. I happened to look over when she was doing this and, instead of the usual "don't lick..." comment I've been so accustomed to uttering since having children, I thought I would change things up a bit. But as I started to speak and look at her actions I got a bit disgusted. So instead of saying something profound and moving I just muttered those words and looked away. She, however, thought nothing strange of her actions, meekly and confusedly asked "What? Why?," then reluctantly acquiesced.

Happy Mother's Day to all!!

"It's never good to lick people."

There's another piece of practical advice I recently gave my oldest. Honestly, kids need guidance and who better to give it than a parent, right? Especially anything involving the word "lick." These are life lessons that they truly need to know about and I'm not comfortable just sitting around expecting someone else to jump in and dispense such wisdom. And I know I am not alone in this way of thinking - read on...:

"Biting is not how we show our love."

"Because mommies always wipe their penises."

"'Whatever' is never the right answer to a policeman."

"Yup, GI Joe is not an anatomically correct doll."

"Poopy is just for looking at!"

And here's one last lifelong message:
"If you're gonna write on the wall, don't sign your name!"

from nytimes.com article

"But, people don't like it when you sit on their faces."

I have been dispensing some useful life advice to my kids lately so I thought I would share one of them this beautiful morning. Feel free to use it, make it your own, embrace it and pass it along. I've got more comin'...!

☺"Please don't give yourself a wedgie."☺

Child: "Ouch, I hurt my tush."

Parent: "What are you doing?
Two boys: "Playing war."
Parent: "Well play nicely."

Without looking up from book and upon hearing something fall in the kitchen:
Mom: "What was that?"
Daughter: "Nothing."
Mom: ""Did you clean it up?"
Daughter: "Yes."

Kid: "Can I have this toy gun?"
Mom: "No, we're pacifists."
Kid: "Then can I get this toy car?"
Mom: "No, we're too poor."

Mom: "No touching other people's penises!"
Son: "Can we touch our own?"

And the grand finale...
Conversation with 3 year old son at a wedding:
"Can I touch the bride?"
"Sure."
"Can I kiss the bride?"
"You can."
"Can I lick the bride?"
"No, we do not lick the bride."

☺"Go to bed or you'll lose the monkey."☺

I heard my husband give this ultimatum the other night to our oldest. Sometimes it's just funny to listen to grown-ups say crazy things. Even though I knew exactly what he was talking about, it was still pretty amusing to hear my strong, logical, intelligent hubby utter such a ridiculous statement with such seriousness and credibility that our son did not emerge once more from his room.