"Did that baby come out of your nose?" OR "Is that a baby booger?"

Background:
Camping at the coast this weekend, in the van on our way to play in the sand, I brought grapes as a snack. My kids like to find the smallest ones and say they found a 'baby.' Grapes were eaten quickly and garbage was thrown away. After a few minutes, the following conversation occurred between my 3 year old and me.

Conversation:
Son (in a sing-song voice): Look, I've got a baaaby
Me: What do you mean? What is that?
Son: It's a baby
Me: Where did you get that?
Son: It's a baby, he he he
Me: Is it a baby booger? (because i know all the grapes were eaten, not one was left)
Son: No, it's a baaaby
Me: Did that baby come out of your nose?
Son: Ha ha ha, giggle giggle
Oldest son: It did! It's a baby booger, ew!
End of conversation.

When you're camping, the rules are a little relaxed anyway, right?!

"I'll draw you a picture right after I put my pants on."

My daughter draws pictures all the time. All the time. But this morning she asked if I could draw her a picture, for a change. Sure, I said, in just a minute. I was apparently taking way too long to get started (since her repeated appeals were followed by frustrated sighs when i replied that i hadn't yet) so finally I had to give her a concrete reason why and some sort of visual time frame. But, just so you know, I actually wrote this post before I drew her picture (shh, don't tell her).

"How 'bout you both be chocolate baby."

What did I just say?! What does that even mean?

- I'll be chocolate baby -
- No I'll be chocolate baby -
- I'll be chocolate baby -
- No, I'll be chocolate baby -
My two youngest went back and forth yesterday, passing Raggedy Ann to each other with each declaration. I had to find a solution and end this jabbering. It worked. Whatever.

"No...we don't keep poop in a bag, sweetie."

I wish I could accurately describe the look on my friend's face when she said these words to her 3 year old daughter. All I could do was just sit there and crack up. Our kids were running around playing and we were chatting in her living room the other morning when the little ones decided to check out their fish. My son happily watched the fish swim around while her daughter pointed out who was who. Then they went over to look at the frog and her daughter continued to astutely explain what everything was for. It was a sweet sight - my son eagerly absorbing all the new information, her daughter eloquently describing each item - when something suddenly caught our attention. We both looked over at each other, then back at the kids. Yep, she just said what we thought she said. Her daughter said it again, "...and here's the bag of poop, this is a rock..." Uh, that's the frog's food, honey. "Oh, ok. That's the food, not poop..." she continues. My friend and I look at each other again and I just start laughing, me having the mental picture of the look of astonishment on her face and her half-dazed questions that lingered in the air, "I wonder how long she thought that was poop...? Why would she think we saved poop...?"

"Stop, no! Don't pee in the hole!!"

My friend frantically yells to her son as she bolts out of the car. "But look, I can make it in the hole," he persists, proudly displaying his aiming skills. "Stop, it's full of bees!" she explains as she yanks him from his stance and shoves him in the car, not caring that he's not finished. She slams the door shut and continues the drive up their long driveway, hoping she reacted quickly enough to prevent too many bees from entering the car. Her youngest sits in shock in the back seat next to his brother. Grandma is also speechless. Only one bee has made it in the vehicle, but her oldest did not escape unharmed. He had gotten stung numerous times and was, to say the least, a little upset about how the whole situation unfolded. He just had to pee. Really badly. So mom reluctantly stopped the car at the bottom of their expansive driveway and he got out. He happened to notice a hole in the ground so he thought it would be fun to aim at it. While he was innocently going about his business his mom heard him mention something about a hole. That's when things started getting crazy. Mom jumped out, there were bees everywhere and suddenly he was whisked away, dazed, wet and achey. He hasn't tried to pee in a hole since.

"Um, stop making Batman kick your pee pee."

"Look mommy, look." ha ha he he

"Just a minute, buddy." (i'm getting the water ready for a bath so son is naked, waiting)

"Ha ha, look mommy!"

"What's up?" (done with water so i turn around)

"Watch this." (son shows me how toy batman can make his, uh, component move)

I have to admit, I felt a little weird saying what I said. But I said it. So I'll share it.

"Why aren't you wearing any underwear?"

You know, that question doesn't even sound so weird to me anymore. Seriously, if I heard another parent say that today at the supermarket or something I wouldn't even bat an eye. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or just sad, it just is. But then my dear brother pops into my head and reminds me that no, it's not common to speak the way I do and that yes, it is bizarre to have to ask someone why they're not wearing underwear. Which reminds me of a recent conversation I had with him the other day about Ranch dressing, but that's for another day. So...back to my 3 year old: I'm helping him change the other morning and he takes off his pj pants and has no undies. I pause for a second, trying to figure out what could have happened during the night to cause this curious omission but come up empty. So I ask what I asked. He, very enthusiastically, declares, "I don't have any!" Well, yes I see that sweetie, I'm just wondering how that could have happened. I quickly see that this interrogation is going nowhere so I drop it. For some reason it haunts me throughout the day, so I ask my husband when he gets home. His reply is the same as my son's, "I don't know." Another unsolved mystery. Perhaps I should keep track of those as well...