"I really, really want you to stop putting your lips on the window."

I was tired and didn't have the energy to do much of a forceful reprimand so I resorted to a sort of plea with my 3 year old. He was watching his big brother at karate last night and got excited every time he saw him so, logically - in a three year old mind - he pressed his lips to the glass and mouthed his brother's name. Mind you, that would have been yucky at our own house, but we're at the downtown YMCA where I have no idea how often and with what the windows get cleaned (okay, so i do have an idea) so it's just downright nasty. I pull him down as gently as I can while whispering "nooo." After a few minutes a second lip-and-window encounter happens. This time I get eye to eye and implore him to cease this behavior (before i start imagining all the diseases that are now traveling through his sweet little body). He just says, "Okay, okaaay" and grabs one of the books we had brought. Meanwhile, his sister is watching the whole encounter with a mixed look on her face - disgust and amusement. Soon after, we go for a long walk on the track and forget the whole affair (right after our trip to the bathroom where i attempt to rid his mouth of all impurities). I'll let you know if he develops any mysterious illness in the next few days...

☺"Did you just put that toad in your mouth?"☺

We have all asked some pretty absurd questions in our parenting lifetime and I got a kick out of these that other parents have shared. Sometimes we don't really want an answer but we just have to ask anyway. I think you'll have a good chuckle too:

"Is that a googlie-eye up your nose?"

"Sweetheart, can you pull your head out of the stairs?"

"Will you go back to sleep if I give you a candy corn?" (said to 2 year old at 6am)

"What do you mean you used the bathroom out in the front yard?" (last month my own 3 year old used the bathroom outside...our front door on the porch. my neighbor saw him and simply asked me, 'uh, can you see what your son is doing?')

"Anyone care to explain how the frog got into mom's coffee?" (mom asks her two young sons)

"Did you swallow the battery?" (child did and it showed up on the x-ray in the ER)

"What is this RING?" What is this HE?" (mom's reply to an instant message from 20 year old daughter that simply read 'he gave me a ring.")

And the last one for now, one that really makes you frightfully wonder what the conclusion is:

"Where is the poopie? Belle where did you put the poopie?"

"Did you just 'sheesh' me?!"

Son comes home after school yesterday, looking for a snack.

Son: "Did you buy some fishes (goldfish crackers)?"
Me: "No, not yet."
Son: "Can I have an apple?"
Me: "I put the last one in your lunch."
Son: "How about some crackers and cheese?"
Me: "We're out of crackers."
Son: "Sheesh, mom!"

My son's 7 and usually a really sweet and patient child, so this "Sheesh!" caught me totally off guard and all I could do was just laugh. My husband was in another room and heard it and started laughing as well. Soon we were all saying "Sheesh!" and cracking up!

Apparently I'm not the only parent of a frustrated child: Submitted by a mom in Cincinnati - "Don't hmmmph your mother!" (Said by her husband after their 4 year old, with hands on hips, got upset that mom said no TV). from nytimes.com article

"Okay, okay, stop using mommy's bra as glasses."

Yup, you read that correctly. Oh, but the kids were having so much fun, just cracking each other up and laughing hysterically, nicely taking turns and sharing. It was quite an amusing sight but my husband and I thought enough was enough, although neither one of us wanted to utter the inevitable. We looked at each other knowingly then looked at the kids. I heard him sigh. With slight resignation I hear him say what I was thinking. We both know I have to share this one.

☺"Don't use your sister as a stool."☺

From neighbors:

Brother stores 'special' things on top of his dresser so little sister can't get them. Both were in his room the other day and he decides he wants something from his stash, but can't quite reach. Just then, he notices sister crawling by at just the right spot and takes the opportunity to get his goods. Dad walks in at just the right moment and puts a stop to the whole episode. Calamity averted.

☺"He's using the magnifying glass to look at his poop!"☺

I just heard my daughter run and tell her older brother this. This was preceded by an excited, "Guess what!?" Honestly, this statement wasn't a huge surprise to me because just moments before, my youngest called to me from the bathroom with a "Mommy, come 'ere, look look!" So I did and I saw him point downward and say "Look Mommy, it's biiiig." Now, I can't stifle his curiosity, right? And maybe one day he'll be a detective or scientist or something and examining and analyzing objects at an early age is crucial to his success later on life. So I just said "Okay buddy" and walked away. But what I was really thinking was, "He's using a magnifying glass to look at his poop!"

☺"Why did you put gum in your butt?"☺

I'm very tempted to just leave it at that, but I won't. Here's the story behind(he he) this, submitted by a very patient and analytical dad:

"...Had my own conversation worthy of submission the other day, with my 3.5 year old daughter. Wife needed the kid to get dressed, so called her in from the living room to the bedroom and started changing her clothes. Wife then expresses shock and mild amusement. I come rushing in to see my wife attempting to pick pieces of chewing gum off/out of daughter's butt.
Wife: Why did you put gum in your butt?
Daughter: Because...but, I am...eating the GUM.
Me: Gum doesn't go IN your but. You put gum in your MOUTH. It comes OUT your butt.

Still have no idea why, but apparently after chewing a piece of gum, she decided to stick it in her butt. That's what you do with gum when you're three. Makes perfect sense. Yup."

His explanation is great - there should be no question in the girl's mind as to what to do with gum anymore. I know I'm clear.