"Please stop panting in my face."

"Please stop chewing in my face."
"Please stop smiling in my face."
"Please stop laughing in my face."

All said within a span of maybe 3 minutes. The last one resulted in chewed up carrot spit in my face. That's what I get for lying down on the couch and being at 'face level' with my 3 year old. He thought the whole episode was hysterically funny. And I was a bit amused myself...until the unfortunate ending. My oldest had a front row seat to the entire performance.

"How did you get an owie on your pee pee?"

Not a question I ever thought I would ask anyone. Ever. But I just did. Aah, the intricacies of parenthood.

"You really need to stop baaing/mooing."

You know the scene:

Kid finds a sound he/she likes. Makes said sound over and over. Mom and dad listen patiently for a bit. Kid keeps making new sound. Mom and dad hope kid gets tired of making it (silly mom and dad). Kid keeps making new sound. Mom or dad can't take much more and must put an end to new sound before ears fall off. Sound stops...but reappears at later times throughout the rest of their lives.

"Your butt is really hot on my neck right now."

My friend didn't see this one coming. Neither did her husband, even though he's the one who said it. But it was true and he was simply making an observation. After the long hike, carrying their daughter on his shoulders the whole time, he was, understandably, fatigued and warm. The little girl had no interest in walking any part of the way so, like any sweet daddy, he propped her up on his shoulders and enjoyed the fresh air with his family. Toward the end of the hike, however (after a few other borderline dandies to both children) he makes this announcement. At first he didn't think twice about what he had just uttered, but my friend said she just started laughing and then he realized that yeah, maybe that would have sounded a bit strange to the casual observer. So she shared it with me. And now I've shared it with you. Thanks for the laugh S and K!!

"You can't really ride a cow. They don't like that."

Driving along farmland through Idaho one sees cows and horses and such. For my little guy each encounter was a joyous surprise met with an announcement of each discovery. After a bit, he decided that he really liked cows and that he wanted one. This prompted a short conversation about why and what he would do with one. You can imagine how that went so no need to reiterate. Once he realized that cows wouldn't be as fun as he must have been imagining, he simply said, "No, I don't want a cow. I want a horse." Aah, simplicity.

"Oh don't grab me, I'm holding pee."

I hadn't gotten the lid on the coffee cup yet. The liquid shook. I was frightened. We'd been on the road for a while and my husband had gotten out to get lunch. The boys had to go, my daughter and dog did not, so I grabbed an old disposable cup from breakfast and handed it to them. The cup was handed back to me and as I was searching for the lid my oldest grabbed my arm to show me something. For one split second I thought the cup was going, the dog would get it, and a bunch of toys and papers would head to the garbage ('cause i wasn't about to attempt to clean stuff in the mcdonald's bathroom). But my son gently let go, the liquid stablized and the lid was attached, without one single drop hitting the floor. Whew, that was close.

"Why are you smelling me?"

I had moved to the back of the van at some point during our trip last week to sit with my boys for a bit. I was there no more than 5 minutes when my oldest grabbed my arm and sniffed. Then he leaned over and took another whiff of my leg. Then the other arm. After each inhalation he just smiled but didn't say a word. So then I just had to ask. He just smiled some more and said, "I don't know" and took another big sniff of my head. Um, okay.