"Oh, I almost stepped on a dragon,"

my husband calmy said to me as he stepped out of the shower this morning (it's okay, we're married). "Yeah, that happens," was my reply to this information as I continued washing my hair (it's okay, we're married). As a parent, you're constantly in peril of serious injury from a variety of objects left on the floor, but after a while, you get quite agile and amazingly adept at avoiding sure catastrophe. Over the years, hubby and I have stepped on things we never imagined could even be possible, and yet we've lived to tell the tales. (like almost breaking a hip while gliding on a matchbox car or almost losing a toe to a lego). But lately our floors have become less hazardous and so I fear we have become more presumptuous - we casually walk around without even looking down anymore! But, thanks to his cat-like reflexes, my hubby dodged the dragon and saved himself from certain agony.


HAPPY (and safe) HOLIDAYS!!

"Mommy you smell stinky to me, but I love you anyway."

Hmmm, thank you? A very sweet guesture from my sweet little man, but it still left me wondering, well, if I was indeed stinky. So I asked him what it was about me that was stinky. "I don't know. I just smell stinky on you," he replied as he sniffed me. He then proceeded to let me know, with each sniff, that nope, it wasn't my cheek, and nope, it wasn't my mouth, and nope, it wasn't my feet, and nope, it wasn't my armpits. Finally he shrugged his shoulders and admitted defeat, "I don't know what it is mommy. I just smell stinky on you, but that's okay because I still love you." And then I couldn't care less what it was because my little man loved me and that's all that mattered. (but I did go brush my teeth...)

"Are you supposed to be shaking your booty at each other?"

'Cause I thought I clearly heard daddy say to get your jackets on. Maybe I misunderstood. It happens sometimes. But I don't think this is the case here. I think that you got distracted on your way and somehow running to get your jackets turned into this. And I can't, for the life of me, understand how. But now that we've determined what it is you really are supposed to be doing, let's get back on track and forget this ever happened, k?

"Well it's because you tried to moo."

Try it: Make an angry cow mooing sound and see if your throat hurts. I'll wait. Does it feel a bit scratchy? I thought so. So now you and my 4 year old know that you're taking a chance when you make animal noises, especially angry ones. It certainly might be a risk worth taking, but just be aware of the consequences. Good luck and have fun.

"Don't hide it down your pants."

Although I would hope no one would ever think to look there, I would rather that not even be an option. So son, please find another place to put whatever object it is you don't want the seeker to find. We don't want to set a precedent of storing sought-after objects in our private areas, now do we?


I'm not sure if I'm just getting too complacent with my words, too comfortable with weirdness, or just uninspired, but I've noticed that the length between my posts has grown quite a bit recently. I'll try and get back on track soon, but in the meantime, feel free to send some creativity my way! practicalmama@gmail.com

"Pop your own bubbles."

That's it. Nothing else. The message was clear and there was no explanation needed. My friend pleasantly stated the directive and her daughter obligingly followed. And so we then continued our chatting while the little ones blew bubbles in their soapy water glasses and things went on as usual.

"You don't need to sound like a monkey to get someone to stop talking."

Although, I must admit, that would work as an adult, if just for the sheer bizarreness of it. But I'm trying to teach my kids skills for handling a variety of situations in a positive way, so letting this practice simply pass unnoticed wouldn't really be in the best interest of my child, right? So I gave my little guy some tips on getting a word in while others are talking and explained that resorting to monkey noises probably wouldn't get the desired results. He grimaced, but then said (rather loudly), "Excuse me, I have something to say here!" While not exactly what I was going for, an improvement nonetheless.