"Don't hide it down your pants."

Although I would hope no one would ever think to look there, I would rather that not even be an option. So son, please find another place to put whatever object it is you don't want the seeker to find. We don't want to set a precedent of storing sought-after objects in our private areas, now do we?


I'm not sure if I'm just getting too complacent with my words, too comfortable with weirdness, or just uninspired, but I've noticed that the length between my posts has grown quite a bit recently. I'll try and get back on track soon, but in the meantime, feel free to send some creativity my way! practicalmama@gmail.com

"Pop your own bubbles."

That's it. Nothing else. The message was clear and there was no explanation needed. My friend pleasantly stated the directive and her daughter obligingly followed. And so we then continued our chatting while the little ones blew bubbles in their soapy water glasses and things went on as usual.

"You don't need to sound like a monkey to get someone to stop talking."

Although, I must admit, that would work as an adult, if just for the sheer bizarreness of it. But I'm trying to teach my kids skills for handling a variety of situations in a positive way, so letting this practice simply pass unnoticed wouldn't really be in the best interest of my child, right? So I gave my little guy some tips on getting a word in while others are talking and explained that resorting to monkey noises probably wouldn't get the desired results. He grimaced, but then said (rather loudly), "Excuse me, I have something to say here!" While not exactly what I was going for, an improvement nonetheless.

"Okay then don't hover your feet over the table."

Don't you just love it when your child 'corrects' you or tries to get away with something based on a technicality or ignores a request because it wasn't addressed directly to them? I guess it just keeps us on our toes. You know what? The more I think about it the more I realize that kids actually make you smarter: They are unpredictable, therefore making you more alert and mentally sharp. They make you think about how you word things, therefore making you more linguistically adept. They constantly surprise you, therefore making you adaptable and flexible. And they make you laugh, therefore making you healthier by sending more oxygen to your tissues and relieving stress. I think I've just inadvertently stumbled upon a health/psychology book just waiting to be written! Now all I need is a grant and a publisher and time to do hours of research and studies and I'll be all set.