Welcome to Mommy (and Daddy) Lingo!

Hi and thanks for visiting this site. As a mother of 3 I've said some pretty odd stuff over these past 10 years and thought it would be fun to write a bunch of them down.

And now, with the encouragement of my brother, I'd like to share some of these unconventional, yet practical, phrases. Enjoy!

Friday, September 30, 2011

"Why are you still naked?"

Oops, isn't that embarrassing?! Unless you're a child, then, once again, you don't really care and could spend many hours doing various things in the buff and wonder what is wrong with all the adults in this world and their preoccupation with clothes. So the answer that I got to this question was a rather confused, "I don't know" as said child continued to not put clothes on. I thought it was a rather legitimate query being that we were about to leave, but I quickly realized that the answer I was looking for (something like, "oh my goodness, that is strange. i'll be sure to get dressed immediately because I certainly can't go anywhere in public like this) was not going to come. So I then went on to explain that I was indeed serious when I said we were leaving in a few minutes and that no one would be going anywhere naked (although, deep down i truly didn't think i needed to explain something as, well, obvious, as this). But, alas, I did, so I did, and I walked away, once again, shaking my head and wondering if I'll ever not be surprised.

Monday, September 26, 2011

"Yelling is not going to get you a red bear."

Once again, my hubby has managed to make me smile with his low-key one-liners and sensible demeanor. I hope this one, as well as the following, will put a smile on your face too...

"Be smarter than the styrofoam."

"Don't stick the battery in your ear, dude."

"Just don't put the French fry in your ear."

"If you don't stop crying I'm going to tickle you."

"You can't handle the daddy!"

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

"Put some clothes on before you do Donkey Kicks, please."

Actually, getting dressed before doing any exercise should be a given, unless of course, it's naked yoga, but still, I think I'd have an issue with sitting down at any point. Anyway, apparently if you're a child there are no issues whatsoever about doing just about anything naked, which has been proven to me time and again by my children. (For those of you unfamiliar with Donkey Kicks, here is a brief description: As a precursor to doing a handstand in gymnastics, a child places his or her hands on a mat, bends over (similar to downward dog), and kicks his or her legs up and back, repeatedly). Now having this mental image of this exercise, I hope you can understand my insistence of wearing clothes. Something just didn't feel right about it, especially since we were in a small hotel room and her brothers were on the bed watching her because, well, she had just said, "Hey guys, watch this!"

Friday, September 16, 2011

"Oh, there goes somebody's flying rabbit,"

said my brother-in-law, matter-of-factly, as he then peacefully returned to looking at something on his laptop, unmoved by neither the animal sailing through the air nor the strange words that just came out of his mouth. Somehow, even after all these years of being a mom, I still get amused at both the weird things that parents say and how dispassionately they say them. And sometimes I even like to take it a step further in my head and concoct a 'regular' scenario, where adults are speaking and one makes an observation, such as the one above, and how funny it would be to see people's reactions. Okay, so maybe that makes me just a little weird myself, but hey, who isn't, right?!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Another penis story (sort of):

The previous post certainly hit home to many of you, so I'd like to continue on this theme not simply because I have a lot to add, but also because it's funny and silly and awkward and it makes me laugh. Let's rewind about 3.5 years to when my oldest was in kindergarten and my youngest was just a year old: It was a dry and warm spring day in western Oregon (a break from the cloudy norm) so my friend and I decided we would walk to school to pick up the kids. We had our littles in strollers and walked and chatted along the way. We were in the beginnings of our friendship and it was the first time we had walked to school together (this will matter shortly). Once we arrived at the school, the kids were eager to get out of the stroller and run around...or so I thought. While my friend unbuckled her cutie and helped her get up, I did the same. But my guy wasn't interested in running around with his friend - he had other, lazier, plans. As soon as he stood up, he did a big stretch, arms up in the air, head back, belly out. My friend and I watched this sweet performance and I even commented on how he looked like a little old man. We were still smiling as we observed Act 2: he slowly brought his right hand to his mouth to suck his 2 fingers and his left hand carefully down his shorts. I think I even heard him sigh. Now, it took me a second to react, so as we're still looking at him stand there with his hand in his pants her daughter is running over to ask him to play. She kind of has a confused look on her face as she gets closer, but by that time I've redirected his, ahem, attentions, and he's now ready to focus on other things. For a second I hope my new friend wasn't bothered by this display but I quickly see the look of understanding in her eyes and the slight grin on her face and I know that this is just the beginning of comical experiences we will share over the coming years.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

"Please don't play Plants vs. Zombies on my phone with your penis."

Aah, gotta love little boys and be nothing but impressed with how 'creative' they can get. A mom recently shared this quote and as soon as I read it, I instantly thought of all the ways my own little man has used his wee wee as if it were just a mere extension of his hand. If you have a son, I'm sure this quote is not weird at all, and if you don't, then just enjoy the quirkiness of it and the funny images it conjures up!