"Then just don't eat the fries that taste like coffee."

I must have been zoning out pretty fiercely because this was the only part of the conversation I heard between my hubby and our little man. But it was enough, mind you, to make me chuckle and be intrigued. How did this exchange begin? What brought things to this point and why was my husband not laughing? I suppose I'll just have to content myself with the made up conversation in my head and try and 'stay in the game' next time...or 'put my listening ears on'...or simply 'be all ears.'

"No Transformers in the baking soda."

This, apparently, is a new rule in my house. It's not one of those life lesson rules that gets posted proudly on the wall, but it's still something that needed to be stated. Evidently. Oh well, at least that's now out of the way and I can continue cleaning without further interruption.

"Please take the karate belt off the dog."

I'm kind of taking a break from all the 'don'ts' that I say, just to mix things up a bit. Well, let me clarify: I'm actually taking a break from writing about all of them - I haven't been able to shake that habit one bit. But above is something that I said that could have easily become a negative and I managed to reword things to soften it up a tad. While we have a very patient 13 year old retriever, he still can give us a look that says, "My goodness, would you please give an old dog a break?!" And that was exactly what he was telepathically telling me the other day when my kids were playing around after karate. Yes, he looked funny and yes it was sweet how he was just standing there as if being frozen would somehow make it all go away, but once he looked at me with those big cloudy brown eyes and one doggy eyebrow raised I just couldn't stand there any longer and not do anything. He, of course, would never bark in disagreement or even shake the belt off in annoyance, so I stepped in as his spokesperson and verbalized what I felt he wanted me to say: I know he likes it when you play with him but making him wear silly things might not be the best way to show him affection. Why don't you guys pet him a bit and give him some loves for being so patient. And go ahead and grab a treat for him too.

I know that he understood everything that I had said (it doesn't matter that he's deaf - I'm sure he's great at reading lips) because he gave me a look of gratitude, and then walked slowly to his bed and plopped down in relief. Man I'm gonna miss that guy...

"No naked dance parties."

Wow, I'm that mom. Mrs. Lame-o. The we-can't-do-anything-fun-at-my-house mom. Buzz kill. The prudish, oh so dreaded party pooper. I mean really, what dorky parent would walk into a room where her/his children are supposed to be putting on their snow clothes and sees them all dancing around, in the buff, singing something about Snow, snow, we love to play in snow! and asks the most obvious question ever uttered by a parent, "What are you doing?" and then proceeds to make a blanket statement (see above) after they all respond happily that they're having an impromptu party? Huh?! I'm that fuddy-duddy (yes, I just used that phrase. maybe that, in itself, says enough). And you know what? I'm okay with that.

"Don't cartwheel into the fireplace."

Hmm, this one caught me by surprise. I hadn't imagined this ever needing to be verbalized (although I could probably say that about many things that slip out of my mouth). But, once again, there we were just minding our own business, doing our own thing, when suddenly we find ourselves in a situation where something weird is going on and some adult spurts out some gibberish that makes total sense. This time I was that adult. And I'm proud? surprised? relieved? to say that there was complete understanding from the child and absolutely no reaction from the other adult in the room.

"Don't Cry Over a Cookie."

Sung by my husband to our daughter to the tune of "Don't Cry for me Argentina." I can't even remember the details, and don't really need to - I just know that before kids I wouldn't have predicted this ever happening. But it sure makes me laugh that it did. Oh, and there were more lyrics...too bad I didn't record it.