"Get your foot out of the peanuts."

I came home last night from taking our oldest to karate and while my hubby and I were talking, he casually mentions what he said to our youngest. What was funniest to me, more so than what he actually said, was his laid back demeanor. It was like he was telling me about his evening with the kids: what they played, where they went, how he had to tell our son to not put his foot in the peanuts... Very matter-of-fact. It was great. He's great. Happy 15 years!

"The longer you wait the more disgusting it gets."

I paused for a second, wondering just what my husband was talking about, but I couldn't figure it out. Then I heard, "It'll just get brown and then you'll really not want it." I had to go investigate, so I went downstairs to see this thing that was causing so much distress for my daughter. More..."Listen, if you eat it fast then it won't be squishy and gross and you can have something else." I look at my daughter who is standing in the kitchen with such a distraught look on her face, I didn't think her bottom lip could protrude any further. In her hand was the culprit: half a banana. I look at my husband who is calmly grading papers at the kitchen table. "She threw it in the garbage when I told her not to so I made her get it out and finish it. She can't just waste food like that." I nod in agreement. As I walk away I offer her these words of reason, "Just eat it fast, girlie," then I head out the front door.

"Now take a deep breath and go get the dragon."

"You have to be calm."
"And you have to be quick to get the dragon," my husband adds.

Quietly, our daughter walks out of the room.

"Don't come back without the dragon," we both remind her.

Aaah!.......Noooo!.........Ha ha ha ha ha!

Victory.

"Does it hurt? I'm curious because I'm not a boy."

My good friend from Michigan, who's in town with her family for a couple of weeks, said this to her son the other day when we went kayaking. The river is quite cold in the Northwest, even in the hot summer, so when her son jumped in the water and jumped right back out, holding himself, she queried if all was well. What struck me as most charming was her sincerity. She truly wanted to understand the other side. What a momma.

"Sissy said I used to drink milk from your boobies."

"Well..." was all my friend could get out before her 3 year old lost interest and walked away saying, "I gotta go feed the fish." I was actually kind of curious how my friend would respond but she never got the chance.

Here are some more sweet kid quotes:

"No mommy, take your hair off," my youngest pleaded with me in the van during our last road trip. We'd been in the car for a few hours and I was getting a little bored myself, so I started doing my hair in, what I thought was, creative ways, but he thought otherwise when he looked up and saw the ponytail on top of my head. I had apparently gone too far.

"Thanks for making me cute." Same cutie pie from above, said to her parents after a woman at a restaurant came over and commented on how cute all three kiddos were. So polite.

"Count in your head, I'm trying to relax." My daughter said to her older brother the other day. She obviously needed a mental break.

And the grand finale for today:
"Mommy, are mine gonna point down someday too?!" Here's the scene: Mom gets out of the shower, then 2 year old son, cowering in the corner, utters these words, horrified. Mom, only slightly offended, explains that A) They don't point down and B) He's a boy.

"You can't eat your cereal in the bathroom."

Talk about wanting to multi-task. My youngest just called me into the bathroom where he was, well, doing his business, and asked if I could bring him his cereal. He's asked for a book before but never any food so I was a little taken aback. After I explained that cereal needed to be eaten at the table and that when he was through he could go and finish it, he nodded in understanding. Now that's some serious room service! Maybe he was just thinking that if he got both things done at once he'd have more time to play?

"Stop trying to scare your sister with the tooth."

Classic case of big brother taunting little sister. Although it really was a harmless shark tooth attached to a necklace I did have a mild flashback to my childhood. I have a big brother. I was a little sister. He did do things to hassle me that, now looking back were quite silly and benign, at the time, really messed with my head. There was this whole 'gitter' incident that I don't care to revisit... Anyway, the point is, there was nothing to be afraid of, yet the simple action of showing his sister the tooth sent shivers down her little spine and tears to well up in her big eyes. I was instantly 5 years old and knew exactly how she felt. But then I was also on the other side, viewing the situation from my brother's/son's eyes and saw just how amusing the whole thing was. I mean really, he wasn't even touching her, just waving the tooth necklace near her face saying something apropos like, "Look, look, just look at it." He's a good big brother just like mine was and is and they care for and about their little sisters and sometimes they just want to have a little fun. I get it. Love you, bro.

"No, you can't eat poop."

My husband's cousin tries to explain why his 2 year old daughter would ask people if she can eat poop. He says something about her always wanting to see her diaper after he changes her and that he once joked to her about why she would want to and that he may have asked her if she wanted to eat it or something. Not sure exactly but there we were, on the back porch in Florida, and she's going around asking anyone who'll listen, "Can I eat poop? Can I eat it?" So my youngest hears this and in his sweet little voice he says a bit loudly and almost singing, "Noooo, we can't eat poooop." It's almost as if he's wondered the same thing himself...

"You don't have a wiener."

**Disclaimer - The following is a quick anatomy lesson between my 5 year old daughter and myself and may be a bit awkward. Read at your own discretion.**

"Girls don't have wieners."
"Well then what do you call it? My pee pee?"
"Yep, that works."
"But doesn't it have another name?"
"Uh, you can just say your private."
"I know about that one, but there isn't another name for it if you're a girl? I mean, boys can say pee pee, penis, wiener, private...what else?"
"That's good enough. You know what, just don't worry about it."
"But why do boys have so many names for it?"
"I don't really know. But anyway, are you ready to get your bathing suit on?"
"Oh, sure!"

"Stop trying to pee like a dog."

A Redbook reader sent me this quote with the following story:


"I said this to my daughter. She had gone swimming and the suit was dripping from the general area "down there" and she thought it would be funny to pretend she was a dog...I think I should have taken a picture or something!"


At first, I wasn't sure how this story would unfold, but I was glad to hear she had just gone swimming! By the way, if you like brownies, you should check out where this AZ reader works...yum...brownies.

"Stop dancing around naked, we have to go."

Now, I have a feeling my hubby isn't the only person to have said this (although he said it to a 3 year old...not sure about some of you!). It's the classic tale: parent trying to get ready, child happier without clothes, parent holding on to undies while child jumps and laughs, child runs in a few crazed circles, parent patiently waits for child to tire, child oblivious and carefree, parent looks at clock and realizes show must end so parent makes a stand, child relents, and circus is over. Or something along those lines...

"Do NOT play your kazoo on the plane."

This really needs no explanation. It's just one of those unwritten common sense 'rules' that you wouldn't think needed to actually be stated. But, once again, I stand corrected. We were on our first leg (of three) last night, coming back from our Florida trip. We'd been swimming and snorkeling and boating and generally just bumming around the beach for a week. The grandparents had gotten all the kids some goodies for the 4th and one, naturally, was a kazoo. I tried my best to forget to pack them, but my daughter is pretty diligent about not forgetting 'things' so one made it on the plane. No big deal, really, she put it right away after only one blow but I was still a bit shocked to hear that distinct sound in an airplane. Well, we're home now and happy to just bum around here for a while, so I'll be better about posting.

"It's okay, animals can't use scissors."

"Why not? Are they not strong enough?"
"No, they're probably strong enough, they just wouldn't know how to use them."
"Why not? Because they've never seen them before?"
"Maybe."
"But if they saw them would they know how to use them?"
"No because they don't have fingers."
"Oh, so they can't fit their paws and stuff in the holes."
"Right."
"So they couldn't really cut the rope then. I get it."
"Yep, so there's no need to worry about that."

This is an excerpt of the conversation I just had with my daughter. We're vacationing in Florida and were out on the boat we just rented when she started what turned out to be a rather long conversation about some scenario she conjured up in her head about her dad. Something about me driving the boat while pulling him behind and he holding on to a rope and then some animals see him and cut the rope with some scissors and what he would do, would he be okay, and how would he get back on the boat. I think I successfully allayed her fears, although I believe we missed a nice chunk of the boat ride.