"Why would I tell you to sit on your head?"

"So the woodpecker is driving?"

"Is there a reason you're wearing flip flops in the snow?"

"When is it okay to eat candy for breakfast?"

"How did the cat get in the dishwasher?"

"Did you just lick the dog?"

"Why would you put gum on the cat?!"

"How could the dinosaur be afraid of the dolphin?"

"But...why is it okay to sleep naked?"

"Where did you last have your feet?"

"Aren't you cold without your legs?"


Thanks to all who sent these in! Hilarious. Keep 'em coming...

"Is that how hippos laugh?"

Now, let's just take a moment to reflect on this question. As a person, you ask a ton of questions on a daily basis. If you're at school or at work, you ask a ton more. And those questions might be a little more specialized or unique in some way and might not be easily understandable to someone not familiar with the subject or context. But as a parent, you find yourself asking perfectly ridiculous questions to little people who couldn't possibly know the correct answer because, well, there probably isn't one. Yet we ask these questions with such seriousness and sincerity. And they might even lead to some sort of inane discussion where questions and sentences are shooting out from all sides and no one is joking but nothing really makes sense either. Whereas the work or school questions could be answered by finding or figuring out something, the parent/child questions can't really be answered by anyone, no matter how much research you do or how long you ponder. Just looking back on some of my own questions got me thinking about other parents and what they've asked.

So now I pose this to you: What crazy thing have you asked your child/children (nieces, nephews, friends' kids, etc.) lately?


In case you need some guidance, here are a few more of mine:

Did that baby come out of your nose?
Why are you smelling me?
How about you both be chocolate baby?
Did you just put a girl down your shirt?

E-mail me at practicalmama@gmail.com or leave a comment on the Facebook page. I can't wait to get a crazy list going to share with others!

"You can cry and clean up at the same time."

It's true, you can. I've seen it done and have even done so myself on occasion. So, I'm sorry you're upset that you have to dismantle your 'office' but I gave you fair warning that this time was going to come. But standing in the middle of the living room, crying, isn't going to pick up the mess so put that frustration to good use and grab that lamp and put it back on the table. You go girl! Now gather all those papers and stack them in a pile, pick them all up and take them to your room. You can do this! Fill that box up with the crayons and markers and you're almost done. Just wheel that chair back to the computer room and we'll call it good. Nice job - way to hold it together. Come give me a hug and a high five!

"Your woodpecker just poked me in the eye."

Ahem. I felt a bit funny saying that to my kid, but I just thought he should be aware of what was going on. Not that it hurt or anything, just a bit fuzzy and uncomfortable. But still...one needs to be in control of one's things and not have them flailing around incautiously, right?



Happy Friday everyone!

"You just made me dance in my pants!"

When my daughter gets excited she says funky things. And when she's playing, she really gets into character and comes up with rather bizarre thoughts. But she says them with such enthusiasm and sincerity that you can't help but feel what she's feeling. So when I told her some great news (like we'd be getting ice cream later or we were thinking about taking them swimming...) she immediately got this glow on her face and said the first thing she was feeling (as she energetically acted out her words). I love that about her - the freedom to say and do whatever is on her mind without caring how it sounds or even who is listening. So when I overheard her say the other day, in the most sweetest tone ever, "Sorry I'm touching your chicken, I just need to see something," I just smiled. But then, after a few moments, I heard her exclaim in a rather exasperated manner, "Oh don't leave your chicken in the doorway!" and I just had to go give her a big hug.

"Dancing around under the blankets was not one of the options."

My husband had clearly stated what the kids needed to clean up and he even gave examples of some of the things they could do: take the chairs back to the kitchen, put the cushions back on the couches, return the toys to the toy room, etc. So when he saw our oldest shaking his stuff instead of cleaning, he simply made this statement and walked on. I managed to catch only a glimpse of my son emerging from the blankets and putting them on the sofa, but it was enough to see him still shaking his sweet head to whatever music he was hearing in it.

"Take the boots off your hands and put the shoes on your feet."

Sheesh. Remember when you were a kid and you liked to put feet items on your hands? Like socks and shoes and maybe even pantyhose? And you thought it was so fun and really funny and thought everyone else should be enjoying it as much as you? And you wanted to take the time to show off your absurdness (ha ha, look, i'm wearing shoes...on my hands!)? And you even tried to get your mom or dad to join in because it was just hilarious? Well, it's really not. Not anymore, anyway. Not when your 8 year old has your boots up to his shoulders and nothing on his feet and it's time to leave for school. Not when your 2 other kids are about to join in and strip the shoes off their own feet to wear them on their hands. Not when you already woke up with a headache and would rather be in your pjs sipping tea and not driving a van full of children to school because it's your day to drive in the carpool. Okay, so maybe I was a bit grouchy. Maybe I should have just laughed and cheered him on. Or maybe I could just surprise him and be wearing my flip flops on my hands when I go pick him up. Now wouldn't that be hilarious?!

"Ok, I guess I'll go escort my son to the dragon now."

It's not often that you get to talk about dragons in such a calm, nonchalant way. At least for me. But it was Disney World and all kinds creatures abound so I think it would actually be quite difficult not to say something that didn't mention a fairy or a talking lion or a giant rat. Our week in the magical kingdom was filled with fun and wonder and, from the adults' point of view, bemusement and excess. So when my youngest kept pulling me toward some enormity while I was trying to talk to my brother-in-law, I didn't think twice about how my words, in most 'normal' situations, might be cause for concern. So I did precisely as I said and went to show my son the huge orange dragon that welcomed you to another land. And he loved it, so I loved it, and we were all happy once again.

"Honey, you're sitting in pizza,"

said my mother-in-law, in a slow southern drawl, to my niece. Since beginning this blog I have, at times, become desensitized to some of the strange things I say to my children and don't even think to write some stuff down, but when I hear someone else utter oddities I immediately perk up and take note. It was day 4 of Disney World and we're back at the hotel. Another long, but fun, day of riding and walking. The adults are all worn out but the children have somehow found their 2nd or 3rd wind and just seem to keep on going. Grandma is watching the kids play and eat when she casually makes this observation. I hear it and just laugh. Then my husband laughs. She looks over and asks what is so funny. When I repeat what she had just said she takes a moment to process how peculiar that must have sounded and begins giggling as well. Maybe we were just tired or maybe we were just feeling silly, but that made for a good reminder of how differently we talk to kids and how indifferent we can become to it.

Take a moment to think about what you've said to your kids today....

"Yes good, don't fight Mickey Mouse."

From their cousins, my sons got light sabers and were 'fighting' each other at the hotel last week. My oldest grew weary and walked away, but little guy was still going strong. At one point I heard him talking animately to whomever was his opponent when he suddenly stopped, looked at me and said, "Don't worry mommy, I'm not gonna fight Mickey Mouse." As I assured him that this was indeed a good idea, I heard my sister-in-law snicker as she walked by. We looked at each other and just smiled and shrugged. What else was there to say?