Child: "Ouch, I hurt my tush."
Parent: "What are you doing?
Two boys: "Playing war."
Parent: "Well play nicely."
Without looking up from book and upon hearing something fall in the kitchen:
Mom: "What was that?"
Daughter: "Nothing."
Mom: ""Did you clean it up?"
Daughter: "Yes."
Kid: "Can I have this toy gun?"
Mom: "No, we're pacifists."
Kid: "Then can I get this toy car?"
Mom: "No, we're too poor."
Mom: "No touching other people's penises!"
Son: "Can we touch our own?"
And the grand finale...
Conversation with 3 year old son at a wedding:
"Can I touch the bride?"
"Sure."
"Can I kiss the bride?"
"You can."
"Can I lick the bride?"
"No, we do not lick the bride."
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