"It's okay, you can throw up on me."

Happy New Year!

La la la, taxiing out of the Phoenix airport. Little guy throws up all over himself, the seat, and me.
I clean up all that I can while he remains as pale as he can be.

Flight attendant doesn't think he should fly. Calls to return to gate.
Paramedics called but I'm not sure why. I want to say he's fine, but it's too late.

Back and forth, the discussion goes. Co-pilot comes to see what's going on.
He's nice, he cares, passengers do not. They decide that we must be gone.

So we wait, and wait, while plans are made. A hotel? A new flight? We split up?
No flights back home 'til late that night. Sit for 10 hours while my guy throws up?

We're booked a hotel, we'll stay for the night. We might make it home the next day.
No guarantees, they say, so we play it by ear, while little guy sleeps and throws up. Hope he's okay...

Happy Holidays!

We're here in Walt Disney World in Florida for the holidays so I think I'll take a little break from posting for a bit. I've already said some odd things (overnight flights and crazy traffic make for some doozies) so I'll keep my list going and share soon. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy any festivities and please share some of the weird things you're saying to your kids (or other people's kids!) so I can help spread the smiles!

"Hey buddy, you've got some rice on your, um...

nipple."

We're all adults here, right? (at least physically) So although I was hesitant in using that word I figured we could all handle it and no one would be offended. Plus, it's just downright hilarious. This is a classic example of something you never thought you would ever say to anyone, let alone your 3 year old son. Or maybe that's just me. Anyway...here's the reason why my husband said such a very weird thing: Last night our youngest decided he was not going to wear a shirt for the rest of the day. We had just gotten back from a weekend away, he had just taken a bath and asked to wear only pants. We weren't going anywhere so hubby and I said sure, no problem. Fast forward a few hours to dinner. Little guy was happily chowing down on his rice when hubby, who was sitting across from him, noticed some on his chest. I was in my own little world when I hear my husband say our son's name. I zone back in only to see my husband gesturing oddly and looking uncomfortable. When I hear the beginning of the sentence I look across the table and see what is going on. I wait expectantly to hear how he will end his statement. He glances at me as he speaks, his eyes pleading with me to help him out. I don't. He finishes, our son looks down and says, "Oh," as he scoops it up and pops it in his mouth. I look away as I try my best to silently laugh, but my other children see my shoulders moving and what is surely a tear rolling down my cheek and ask what is so funny. I just say, "Oh, daddy makes me laugh," and fake a sip of water. I want to give my hubby a big hug or even shake his hand because I know how awkward that must have been. But I also know he's a kid at heart and just wanted to blurt out, "I just said 'nipple' at the dinner table!"

Congrats to the winner!

One lucky follower just won a $35 gift certificate to use at CSN Stores!

Winner will be chosen soon...

The giveaway is now closed - thanks to all who entered and good luck! I'll be pulling a name out of a hat this weekend and delivering the happy news tomorrow. It's really fun doing these giveaways and reviews! Well, I've got some playing in the snow to do this weekend so I'm sure I'll have some strange quotes to add soon. I did just tell my youngest that even though he's wearing daddy's coat, I can still see him moving when he should be in time out... Enjoy your day!

Hurry - chance to enter ends Friday!

There's a $35 CSN Stores gift certificate waiting for someone to claim. Follow to enter. Details - look to the right>>>>>

"You sing while I button your pants."

Now this would be a bizarre thing for anyone to say but coming from my hubby made it all the more interesting. You have to understand, on the outside my husband looks pretty serious - he's tall, he teaches math, he works out, he rock climbs, he works on the house and cars, he loves technology, he's quite intelligent and looks at life logically. So sometimes when I hear some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth it makes me pause and, usually, cracks me up. And this time was no different. I wasn't even in the room but I had heard some singing, then silence, then the above statement, then more singing. I don't even know why, after all the years, but I'm still surprised by how matter-of-fact he can be. That guy makes me laugh on a regular basis but I think what I find most hilarious (and endearing) is how he speaks to our children.

"No, sticking gum up your nose isn't funny."

I realize that I just wrote a post about another 'sticking something up the nose' situation and thought about spacing them further apart but I think that it's because of the previous incident that we had this second one. Follow me? And I think that maybe because I was so nonchalant about the button my youngest figured all bets were off and it was now alright to put anything up there. But I don't really know. All I do know is that he came waltzing into the kitchen the other morning, giggling, and showed me what was up his nose, saying it was so funny. When I tried to set the record straight he just looked at me in all seriousness and said (with the gum still hanging partly out of his nose), ''Yes it is." For a split second I thought about continuing the conversation but thankfully I realized the ridiculousness of doing that and kept my mouth shut. Although I did think to myself "No it's not." Or was that out loud?

"Why is that lady wearing a balloon?"

Um no sweetie, that's just a puffy jacket. But Cocktaildeeva mama was actually thinking the same thing - it just would have sounded rude if it had come out of her mouth. Funny how 3 year olds can get away with that kind of stuff and people think it's kind of cute or funny but if we, as adults, were to say the same thing we'd probably get slapped. Here's what she had to say: "...he's 3..she was wearing a REALLY puffy coat that IS cute on 3 year olds but not on adults...and he just blurted it out. We were at the grocery store. I just love how they see the world. He said exactly what I was thinking." Hmm, a balloon, that seems pretty accurate...

"Oh the button was up his nose. It's fine."

Not much of a story here. Pretty straightforward: Oldest sees youngest with the button I was going to sew on his pants - youngest sticks button up nose for a split second and takes it out - oldest asks where button went and where it had been - I answer, get button back, wipe it on my shirt and start to sew it on his pants. Oldest is mildly disgusted but doesn't say anything else. I figure there are bigger things to worry about.





P.S.
Don't forget to enter the giveaway!

"Legos hurt!"

I proclaimed as I wobbled to my bed last night, to no one in particular and to whomever was around (which was, again, no one). When my husband came to bed a few minutes later I gave him a stern warning, "Watch out for Legos." He jokingly retorted, "Ooh, watch out!" But I noticed that he instantly stopped and looked down at where he was walking. He knows very well what happens when you step on one. As he moved the blanket to get in bed, I spotted one and grabbed it. "See? They're hiding." He chuckled a bit and got in. Once his legs were fully under the covers, we heard it - the jingling of two or more Legos somewhere in our bed. He kicked the blanket in hopes of propelling them off our space, but nothing happened. So then I tried, thinking that maybe they were more toward my side. Again, nothing. We gave up and turned on the TV, thinking that somehow things would resolve themselves. Well, they didn't. As I turned to face the television we heard them again. Taunting us. Hubby reached down under the covers to feel for them. He felt nothing. I kicked at the sheets, trying to gauge where they might be holed up. I narrowed it down, I had figured it out, and I made my move. Those sneaky little scoundrels had found their way between the sheet and the blanket. I felt my way down until I touched one. Aha! I grabbed the two troublemakers and yanked them out. Victory!

(now, the above story may seem a bit melodramatic, and perhaps it is, but after you have stepped on, sat on, or been hit by as many legos as we have, you'd understand that both your patience and respect for their ability to hurt have decreased and increased, respectively, dramatically over the years. i don't think i'll be sad when my kids grow out of them. i'm just sayin').

I just couldn't wait... Giveaway details!

I promised more details and here they come. But first I just wanted to share a little more about some really stylish tv tables and CSN Stores, in general: First of all, I had never heard of CSN Stores until someone stumbled upon my blog and thought that I(!) might want to do a giveaway or review an item. I was skeptical at first but then once I started becoming more familiar with the sites (over 200 stores, by the way) I realized what a great opportunity this was and so I agreed to a giveaway. (I recently decided I needed a tv table for upstairs and have settled on this one!) It was fun to hear from you and see all the cool stuff you could get. Then it was my turn to pick out a little something and review it. But now it's back to one of you and I'm sincerely excited to be able to offer a $35 gift certificate to any of the 200+ CSN Stores! Many items include free shipping and you can apply this gift toward a larger purchase as well. The deadline is December 17, 2010, just in time for the holidays (hopefully!). I can't wait to hear from you - the same rules apply, so look over them once again and let's get started!

Here's how to enter:

☺Follow me!! Simply leave me a little comment letting me know that you are now a follower of my site (only followers can be entered). You might even comment on one of the great tv tables or just share a funny quote. Just make sure I've got your e-mail address because that's how the lucky winner is contacted. ☺


To get another entry or two:

☺Join my Facebook page - "Don't Lick Your Pizza" - and other things parents never thought they'd say. Leave me a comment letting me know you've joined.☺


☺Follow me on Twitter! Just remember to let me know so I can get your info down.☺


☺Blog about this giveaway and leave me another comment letting me know so I can resubmit your entry. Go ahead and post a link to both mommylingo and tv tables.☺

- Open to all our US and Canadian residents. There might be some shipping or international charges, depending on item purchased -
Deadline is December 17th at midnight EST.

Good luck everybody!!

Another giveaway!?!

Yessiree! A few months ago I got to host a giveaway where one follower received a gift certificate to CSN Stores. It was really fun being able to offer this opportunity and so I did some research beforehand on their websites just to get an idea of what they offered. What I found was that they offered just about anything you could think of - fancy and everyday cookware, adorable kid items, decorative and practical tv tables - you name it! Everything looked great and a winner was chosen. And then I got to review an item and this is where I really got to experience just how vast the CSN Store network truly is! I scanned site after site and put at least 15 items into my cart within the first 15 minutes. Anyway, I settled on 2 and have been wanting more ever since.

But now it's time to share the fun once again! So stay tuned for details...

"Just don't put things down your undies."

Why not?
Just don't.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I kinda figured people knew this without having to be told. I guess it's one of those things that a parent needs to say early on just to make certain his or her child understands what not to do at times. But I didn't really explain much, did I? I left it pretty dry. I did think about elaborating and possibly mentioning things like how something might pinch something or how difficult it might be to extract an object or even just the whole yuck factor. But I chose not to. I chose to keep it simple. I chose not to have a long discussion about the placement of objects down one's underwear and the consequences resulting from such placements. My husband, on the other hand, is really good about breaking down a concept (say, marching on one's sister) and forming a sequence of logical events that ultimately results in all parties coming to a plausible and acceptable conclusion, ending with some sort of group hug. Aah, he's the peanut butter to my chocolate.

"Just to set the record straight, we do NOT put little boys on our lap."

Oh, I'm still laughing about this one. Here's the deal: So yesterday I was upstairs exercising when my husband walked in and mentioned that he had a good exercise he wanted me to try. When I finished I went downstairs to try it out. My kids were excited for me to attempt it, as they all had just moments earlier. It was a tricep dip using two chairs (feet on one, arms on the other). My daughter proudly boasted that she could do 17 so I figured I needed to do at least that many. When I was done my oldest did some more, then hubby told us to watch him do what he and his buddies do at the gym. He got in position, did a couple of dips, then instructed our 8 year old to sit on him while he did some more. Our daughter quickly asked, with a mild look of confusion and disgust, "You put little boys on your lap at the gym?!" I couldn't contain my laughter so I just let it out. My husband, on the other hand, looked offended and instantly retorted, "No! We don't put little boys on our lap. We use weights!" He removed our son and stood up. "We use weights, girlie. Weights." She looked relieved and simply said, "Ooh." Then she asked me why I was still laughing (I tried to suppress it but truly couldn't). I mumbled something incoherent and walked back upstairs to get a jacket. On my way back down my husband met me on the steps and offered the above clarification. I, of course, didn't need one, but I think it made him feel a bit better. I don't think we'll be doing that exercise again any time soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Not funny, I know. Not even a bit unusual or awkward, given the day, but I still said it and wanted to share it. I do, however, have a hilarious story to tell but I think I'll wait until everyone has a full belly. Enjoy your day!! Maybe it'll be a Black Friday special. Get it? (As long as I think I'm funny, right?)

Thank you to those (few) who read my bog!!

"Well remember mommy, sometimes when you fight you get hurt."

Ouch. I think I saw stars. When his knee made contact with my cheek I instantly saw a flash of light. Now my head is pounding. But I know he's right - that's the risk you're willing to take when you begin a wrestling match with an 8 year old who has been taking karate. Lesson learned. Thank you, son. And now I know you've been listening to us.

"Would I ever shoot you?"

My husband looked deeply into our son's eyes, gently cradling our boy's sweet face, while he asked him this question. He followed it up with a sympathetic, "Huh buddy?" Little man looked back at his daddy and quietly answered, "No." Hubby quickly assented with a, "No, of course not. I would never shoot you. You're my little buddy." "Oh, okay daddy. I know, I know" (his new favorite phrase). The boys hugged, daddy gave him a big kiss, and all was right in the world once more.

Background info: Hubby recently got a paintball gun. Little man came in early one morning, sniffling, saying that his foot hurt and that daddy had shot him. When I asked him what he was talking about he pointed to his ankle, at an orange spot, and said, "See look, there. Daddy shot me." Hubby heard this and called him over to his side of the bed. He lifted him up and plopped him down in front of him, beginning the above conversation with this question: "Did you have a dream that I shot you with my paintball gun?"

"So...you got so excited that you pulled your pants down?"

I know what you're thinking, who doesn't do this, right? You hear some really fabulous news and your pants just drop. You're in a dither, beside yourself with emotion, unsure of how to express your elation, so you instinctively reach for your bottoms and yank. Huh?! Well, I guess if you're 6 and you just heard that you're having a sleepover you'd do that. I guess. Apparently.

"Whose nose is this?"

"Well if it's not your nose then you probably shouldn't be touching it. What if somebody stuck your nose on their face? You wouldn't like it? Right, then just think about that the next time you find a nose on the ground."


Now if that's not a lifelong lesson, I don't know what is.

"Well then how did something fly out and land on your chin?"

Or "I guess you didn't swallow it all because there's some on your chin." Or "Obviously not because something just flew out of your mouth and onto your chin." Or "Apparently you didn't swallow everything because there's food on your chin now." Or just "Yuck, get that off your chin."

I can't remember exactly what I said to my daughter at dinner last night, but it was something along those lines. We've been trying to have more chewing and less talking while eating (particularly when there is still food in the mouth) and we're improving, albeit slowly. And there's just something about fallen food that really gets to me. It may seem a bit odd that of all things, spilled food is high up on the 'yuck' list for me, but it is. I know I've changed about a billion diapers and cleaned up about a thousand cuts and scrapes, but vomit and food messes rank #1 and #2 on the gross lost, respectively. My first child was a rather neat eater so I thought I was in the clear, but then my sweet girl arrived and seemed to make it a point to make the biggest food mess possible. I remember covering myself in burp cloths and towels while I fed my daughter and my husband coming home from work and just saying, "Here, let me feed her." I guess it was pretty obvious how I felt. So I've come a long way over the years and don't even flinch anymore when there's food on the table, but there's still something about food either not making it all the way into the mouth or somehow making its way out again that really makes my stomach churn. So I think what I'm trying to say is that what I actually uttered was probably more like, "Ah, uh, don't be yucky, wipe that off, oh."

"You need to wear more than undies and daddy's slippers."

While you may look adorable, you just might get taken away from mommy if she let's you go outside and play like that. The neighbors might not think it's so cute and get concerned. I know you're hot right now but trust me, it's barely 40 degrees outside so you'd be begging for some pants in no time. Your sweet tummy will get very cold and anyway, playing 'capture the flag' in huge slippers could result in some serious scratches. I understand your hesitation and I'd have no problem if we weren't going anywhere, but the neighbor kids don't really need to see your skivvies, so go grab a shirt and pants and then we'll head outside, okay? Good job buddy.

"So, did you march on your sister?"

This is just an excerpt from an interrogation/conversation my husband had with our eldest the other day. It went something like this:

Daughter cries out from living room, "Daaaddy, brother kicked me." Hubby and I were on our way downstairs anyway so I continued my path while he began the investigation. I plopped myself down on the floor to put on my shoes, strategically placing myself in full view of the crime scene.
Hubby turns to son:
"Did you kick your sister?"
"No."
Turns to daughter:
"Did he kick you?"
"Yes."
To son:
"Why is she saying you kicked her?"
"I don't know."
"Why do you think she's saying that?"
"I don't know."
To daughter:
"Why are you saying he kicked you when he's saying he didn't?"
"Because he did."
"Where did he kick you?"
"Right here. On my leg." (points to thigh)
To son:
"Look at me, she's saying you kicked her in the leg. What happened right before she said 'ow?' Where were you?"
"I was right here doing this." (points to opposite couch and makes a stepping motion)
"And what do you call what you did there?"
"Marching."
"So did you march on your sister?"
"No."
"While you were marching did you make contact with her?"
"What do you mean?"
"Were you doing this?" (husband proceeds to march around the room) "And your knee touched her leg?"
"Uh yes."
"I think you knew exactly what I was asking you."
"But I didn't kick her. She's saying I kicked her and I didn't."
"But your knee hit her leg and she didn't like that. Even if it was an accident you should have just apologized, but instead it became this big deal. Now go tell your sister sorry for marching on her or kicking her or whatever so we can just go."

Case closed.

"Try not to bounce on me."

Admittedly, not one of the strangest things that I've said but still something I probably wouldn't be saying to an adult. Probably. And if, for some reason, an adult were to be bouncing near me, I might take a different approach in my tone. I might say something like, "Dude, why are you bouncing?" or "Maybe you could bounce somewhere else?" I don't really know, since I haven't had to deal with any bouncing grown ups, but now I do feel a bit more prepared. I guess I just needed to work that out. Thanks, I feel better.

"Dude, you're tripping on your dress buddy."

This is a repost in support of nerdyapplebottom and all the craziness that has been following her!

"Dude you're tripping on your dress buddy."

"Well unstick yourself and go sit down."

It's a matter of getting yourself out of a dilemma into which you have somehow gotten. It's about fostering independence. It's using problem-solving skills to, well, solve a problem. My little guy fleetly figured out a solution and promptly plopped himself in his seat and we headed home. Sometimes you just have to keep things simple.

"I can't grab your staff while I'm driving."

You can easily change out the word 'staff' with any number of words and this might very well have been you talking. I, for one, can replace it with 'foot,' 'tummy,' or 'nose' just to name a few. It's always been funny to me how my kids seem to wait until the most inopportune time to ask for something or need something or talk about something. Like as soon as I turn on the vacuum cleaner someone desperately needs to tell me something or when I'm in the shower and a child suddenly needs my presence elsewhere. No calamity seems to strike when I'm sitting right next to a little one but as soon as I get up to move, the earth begins to rumble. But that's what makes being a parent so fun, right? Never a dull moment...

"Don't use the spoon on the ladybug, okay?"

I believe this one is pretty self-explanatory. You know the scene:

Child 1 has pet ladybug in self-made container mimicking bug's home environment. Talks to bug, plays with it, then notices it's not moving. Slight panic ensues. Child 2 excitedly exclaims, "I'll help you!" and runs to find an object with which to prod bug. Mother silently observes entire plight but gives that one objection. As child 2 disappointedly says, "Aw man," child 1 happily cries out,"She's moving! She's alive!" A celebration ensues and relief fills the air.

Sound familiar??

"My tummy hurts. I think someone shot me."

My youngest walked into my room last night and said these words to me. Why, I have no idea, but the drama with which he uttered them was classic. He could have won an Emmy. His voice was deep and raspy, his face anguished, his gestures convincing. The pause between the two statements allowed for enough suspenseful build up yet didn't linger long enough to render them unrelated. I didn't even get a chance to finish my question, "What's wro...?" It took me a good 2 seconds for the words to sink in and confuse me. Did I hear him correctly? Is my head so stuffed up that I'm hallucinating? Nope, he said what he said. So I assured him that no one had shot him and advised him to go sit on the toilet. Not sure how else to respond...

"Don't wipe the bacon on his face."

Who needs to be told that, huh?! It seems as though there is an unwritten, unsaid rule out there that goes something like this: 'One shall not wipe any food item on another person, especially on the face.' And if not, there certainly should be. But then it'd be written...

"Why do you have to take your shirt off to make a poop?"

He just couldn't stand it, he wanted it off. "Mommy, help me take my shirt off!" I tried to encourage him to just go do his business and not worry about what he was wearing, but he wouldn't have any of it. He stood there with a wild look in his eye, writhing beneath his button down dress shirt, legs moving back and forth, crying out to me, "But I have to make a poop! Help me, help me take my shirt off!" Unsure of why he felt so strongly about stripping, I asked him the above question as I calmly undid each button. I felt I needed to respect his wishes yet still uncover the motivation behind them. But he couldn't focus on my words, he just watched as each button was released from its bondage, getting him closer and closer to freedom. I asked again just as he was (figuratively) ripping the shirt from his body and heading to the bathroom. All I could hear before the door closed behind him was, "Thank you mommy, thank you! I just have to go!" Was he just channeling George Costanza??

"Listen, you do NOT put boogers on people."

"That's just yucky," I continued as my youngest stood before me, head down. "But it was just my sister," he mumbled, trying to offer some sort of justification for what he had just done. "It doesn't matter. You don't do that to anyone. You get a tissue and you wipe your nose with it." I felt I needed to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. "Boogers belong on tissues, not on people. They're dirty and then that makes people dirty and then sad that you just did that." I'm not sure what prompted the act or why he thought it might be a good thing to do, maybe it's simply because he's a 3 year old boy, but no matter the reason he should certainly know not to do that again. He remained in place, head still down, uttering an occasional "Okay. Okay mommy." Really, who wants a little kid running around sticking boogers on people? I know I don't. He apologized to me, we hugged, he got a tissue, wiped his nose, went downstairs with another tissue, apologized to his sister and cleaned her up. I'm hoping our heart-to-heart made an impression and I never have to visit this topic again. We shall see...

Today's lunchtime talk:

"No, don't put the cheese on your head."
"Why are you licking your sandwich?"
"Where did your turkey go?"
"You've got mustard on your nose."
"You want a third sandwich?!"
"Please don't eat with your feet."

And this is just what I said - the kids had some good ones of their own.

"Please get the karate belt off the dog."

Really, what would he need it for? He's got 4 legs and some sharp teeth so I think he'd be just fine to take someone down without any training. But my son insists that the dog needs the belt. My wonderful, patient old dog just stands there looking at me with a mixture of confusion and indifference as my son jumps around him yelling, "Hiyaaaah!" After a couple more minutes I repeat my request and my son complies. My dog saunters over to his bed and rests his old bones while my son continues his awesome karate moves. I walk away with lively "Hiyaaahs" filling the air.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you,"

said my 3 year old to his big sister. What's funny is that he probably could. The pair were upstairs on our bed and sister invited little brother to wrestle, but as soon as he accepted she crouched down and let out a small yelp. He immediately told her that she needed to get up but then quickly reassured her of his intentions. I saw the whole thing and it was quite comical so I thought I'd share.

"You would know if there were a spider in your eye."

Son: I think there's a spider in my eye.
Me: You don't have a spider in your eye.
Son: Yes I do.
Me: No you don't. (yeah, i'm the adult)
Son: I do! There's a spider in my eye, I said!
Me: Let me see. Nope, no spider.
Son: I think I do have a spider in my eye.
Me: No buddy, there's no spider there.
Son: Yes there iiiis!
Me: (see above quote)
Son: No I wouldn't.
Me: Oh okay. (huh?!) So there's no spider?
Son: No, I don't have a spider in my eye!

Um, what was the purpose of that whole conversation?

"Big boys don't suck fingers."

That's all you need to know. If you're a boy, remember this always. If you're a girl, remember this too. These words will forever keep you out of trouble. And my husband should know - he's a big boy. He found it prudent to share this information with our 3 year old. I suppose he thought it was time, that our son was old enough to handle it, that he should pass down such knowledge at the precise moment and that moment was in the van yesterday afternoon. It felt right to me too. I was there to offer support, if necessary, but none was needed. My husband is a wise man and can sense when best to dispense insight so I had no doubt it would be received well, but confirmation came when our little guy simply removed his fingers from his mouth, smiled and said, "Okay daddy."

My Review of Kitchen Soap Dispenser

Originally submitted at CSN Stores

A stunning solution for one of the kitchens most forgotten necessities. Our elegant Kitchen Soap Dispenser features an extra long spout that pumps soap easily onto sponges and brushes or directly into your sink. Santoprene pump knob is easy on the hands and rubber non-skid, non-marring b...

Kitchen Soap Dispenser

Just what I needed

By Practicalmama from Salem, OR on 10/10/2010

 

4out of 5

Pros: Easy To Install, Attractive Design, Easy To Load, Dispenses Cleanly

Cons: Squirts too far

Best Uses: Kitchen

Describe Yourself: Quality Oriented

Primary use: Personal

I got this soap dispenser to review and now I think I want another one for my bathroom. I use it in the kitchen and the long spout really makes it easy to get the soap on the sponge, although if you push it down too quickly you'll get soap up your arm. Not a big deal, since it's just soap, but it's something to be aware of. I also like how sturdy it is - it stays put and looks attractive all at once. With the clear bottle, I can actually change the appearance just by changing the color soap I use. Pretty simple and cheap, I know...just how I like it. It doesn't clog but sometimes there's a little soap build up at the tip, so I just either wipe or rinse it off and it looks all clean and new again. This bottle will last a long time because it's made with high quality materials so I know it was a good choice. I haven't had to refill it yet, but even though it holds a lot of soap, it's not bulky or tall. The design actually adds a little class to the sink area which is always an asset. Like I mentioned, I'd like another one, please.

(legalese)

My Review of Premium 7053 Country Blue Southwestern Rug

Originally submitted at CSN Stores

A particularly practical choice for discerning people with active households, the Premium collection is especially durable and wear resistant. This affordable collection is made from 100% soil, stain and fade resistant polypropylene. These rugs consist of traditional and southwestern designs that a...

Premium 7053 Country Blue Southwestern Rug

I'd buy another

By Practicalmama from Salem, OR on 10/10/2010

 

4out of 5

Pros: Attractive Design, Easy To Clean

Cons: Curls Up At Corners, Slips Around

Best Uses: Kitchen

Describe Yourself: Practical, Bargain Hunter

Primary use: Personal

This rug stays in the kitchen and gets trampled on daily. I have 3 kids and a dog who have each done their fair share of making some sort of mess on it, but each time I just run the vacuum over it and it comes out all clean and fluffy again. When I picked this rug to review, I wasn't sure what it would really look like or what kind of quality it would be. It turned out to be bigger than I expected and more attractive than I realized. It's quite thick and sturdy. The only thing that bugs me a bit is that it slips around. I didn't get the non-stick pads, which now I would recommend. But it's in a pretty confined space so it doesn't stray too far. Everyone who has seen this rug has commented on how great it looks. Next time I might go for a different color, but I'd definitely get this again and I've already recommended it to my friends.

(legalese)

"Did you just put a girl down your shirt?"

"She's helping you scratch your back? Oh okay."

Another example of a common daily exchange between my child and me. Nothing unusual about it, considering the context and the participants, but let's just take a moment and insert this into a different scenario, just for the heck of it:

You're at work and need to make copies so you get up and head over to the printing area. As you're loading your documents into the copier, you overhear the above jabber. What's your first thought? What the...? Do you crane your neck in the hopes of catching a glimpse of this 'helpful' girl or do you just try and ignore what you just heard and think that maybe you simply misunderstood? Or do you march right over and ask for clarification? Or maybe you laugh and join in and say something awkward like, "Yeah, I hate it when that happens." And then they look at you like you're some kind of freak and so you vow to never ever try and engage in conversation at work again and you slink back to the copy machine and gather your copies and amble back to your cubicle. So much pressure to be 'normal' and speak 'coherently' and not sound 'weird,' huh? What freedom as a parent to be able to just make ridiculous statements and ask bizarre questions without any fear of judgement. How invigorating! And I just said, "Yes, I'll help you get out of that box" to my son and I heard nary a giggle. Ha ha ha ha ha!

"Stop playing your pee pee like a guitar."

I'm noticing that many of my quotes begin with "stop" or "don't" and I'm thinking that I might want to rephrase how I begin my sentences, although many of these statements are spur of the moment utterances that fly out of my mouth without much thought. I mean really, what do you say to your 3 year old who is taking a bath and suddenly starts singing "neow, neow" and playing guitar without a guitar? I ignored it at first, but then he tried to get my attention with the direct, "Mommy look at me!" I suppose I could have said something like, "Let's not use our penises as guitars, sweetie." Or, "That's cool buddy, now put your 'guitar' away and clean it," for a positive spin. I have to admit, it was actually funny, but I could also imagine him taking his little show on the road for laughs so I kinda wanted to keep things on the down low. After I said what I said he tried to explain his actions with, "But I'm rock band!" To which I responded "Okay, song's over." And so it ended.

"No more talking sandwiches."

Sure, at first it was fine, but those things just kept on and on. And about nothing in particular. I just had to stop that nonsense. We had things to do and they were simply wasting our time. I had no idea they could be so talkative.

"Put it back in your pants."

"No it's not, I still see it."

"Put it back."

"Put it back in your pants right now or I'll put it back."

"Thank you. Now leave it there."

I see no need for explanation. My side of the conversation should suffice. You don't really even need a big imagination. It's exactly what you think it is.

"Mommy, can I lie down on it?"

That's what my little man said as soon as I put the new rug down in the kitchen. "I wike it," he continued. The other 2 children agreed. Yep, I liked it too. CSN Stores did it again - they sent a quality product that really adds a nice touch to my home's decor. When it got here 2 days ago and I put it down, I was a bit concerned that it would collect too much dirt and might be difficult to clean, but after dropping diced onions on it, littering it with biscuit crumbs and having my dog 'test it out,' I saw that with one quick vacuum the rug was bright and fluffy again. And the pattern really adds color to the room (which it seemed to be lacking - something I didn't really notice until pretty rug arrived). This Country Blue Southwestern Rug was a little stretch from our current 'whatever' theme we've got going on, but it's really fun and might even give our kitchen some direction. I think it'll last quite a while in our busy house and it's big enough to cover the not-yet-redone floor. All of my kids felt the need to touch it and test it for softness (that was my oldest's favorite aspect) so when my youngest asked me to join him on the rug, I happily agreed. We actually all snuggled on it for a minute, which I'm sure would have been quite a site.

Breakfast chit chat

Weekend of camping with friends. We decide to go out to breakfast. It had begun to rain in the middle of the night so we packed up camp and headed to the kids' favorite breakfast spot on the coast. Our traveling friends were continuing on their journey so this would be the last time we'd see them in a while. We are gathered around a table, enjoying our food and company, when the conversation begins to get interrupted by random directives to our children:


Don't lick the bacon anymore, just put it in your mouth. Put it in your mouth and bite it. You're still licking it.

Stop fighting the pancake. Yay, you conquered the pancake - now eat it.

Use your fork; don't just stick your face on the plate.

No you don't need anymore syrup, your pancake is dripping.

Uh, you probably don't want to use your hands to eat your French toast. Oh okay, never mind.


I guess we had lingered longer than we realized and our children were finding creative ways to entertain themselves. The adults thought it was all pretty funny but we got it, time to go.

"Ooh mommy, that's fancy."

That's what my daughter said when she saw the new soap dispenser that arrived from CSN Stores. A while back I had mentioned that I wanted to update, change, fix something in the kitchen and thought that a new paint job would do the trick, but on that same day I received a message asking if I wanted to review a product. (I actually think my husband was a bit relieved, but I still had the painting bug so I decided to repaint the guest bathroom instead). Anyway, I went to their website and was a bit overwhelmed by all the amazing choices there were. It took me quite a while to finally decide on something, well, actually 2 things. So this is really part 1. I'd been refilling an old bottle of dishwashing soap for some time now so when I came across the Progressive International kitchen soap dispenser I knew it would be a welcome improvement to my kitchen. But I didn't realize how much so until my daughter saw it and continued to tell me how much nicer this one looked, how ugly the old soap bottle was, and how she was so glad that I finally got rid of it. (She's our little decorator). Won't she be surprised when the new rug gets here on Monday!

But her, I mean my, review doesn't end there. We both like how the long spout doesn't clog and neatly shoots out soap onto a sponge ("or your hand or a towel or whatever you want soap on"). Now my 2 oldest can reach it and use it with one hand so no more picking-up-only-to-drop the soap. I just think it looks cool at my sink and makes the whole area look a bit neater, like I actually meant to coordinate things. And it got here so fast - I ordered it on a Thursday and it got here the following Tuesday. My kids love getting packages so when we found it on our doorstep that day they were eager to see what was inside. As soon as I took it out my daughter went straight to the sink, got the old bottle and started filling the new one. We actually stood there a moment admiring it (yeah, slow day I guess). So I'm thinking that slowly but surely the house can get a nice update - all pending the approval of my daughter, of course.

"Did I poop on you?"

Let me begin by clarifying that my son said this to me, NOT the other way around. Okay then.

I'm not really sure how far I want to go with this because it entails an earlier, related incident that would stray too far from the current one. So instead I've decided to ask that you use your imagination and be prepared for little kid bathroom humor. Yesterday morning my little guy had just taken a bath and was sitting on my lap, wrapped in a towel. We were talking to my hubby and basically just cuddling and hanging out when my son, well, farted. He said excuse me, my husband and I continued talking and all was well. Then after a few seconds my son looked up at me, very concerned and even a bit frightened, and asked me the posted question. (Here's where earlier related incident comes into play - something about him relating the passing of gas to other familiar smells...). I assured him that no accidents had occurred and hubby and I proceeded to laugh. I gave little man a hug then helped him get dressed and we all continued our day with a smile on our faces. How did you start your day?

"We don't eat people."

Welcome to "How to Talk to Your 3 year old about Cannibalism" 101:

1) You don't.
2) If you must, keep it short and light.
3) Be sincere and vague.
4) Know that you will probably contradict yourself and confuse your child.

Now that we've covered the basics, let's explore the following case study:

Mom makes paninis for dinner one recent evening using George Foreman grill (little known use for such device, but works great). Dishes cleared and mom moves grill near sink to cool off and clean later. As mom is drying her hands, a child calls for her and she turns to respond. She doesn't realize how close her arm is to hot grill and so she burns herself. Youngest child hears muffled cry from mom and runs to see if she is alright. Mom assures child she is okay, child empathetic and curious and begins to ask questions: What happened? Are you okay? Does it hurt? Can I see it? Can I touch it? Why not? Did you cook it? Can I eat it? Why not? Mom responds to each question with simplicity and candor, but the 'why not' after her final answer leaves her stumped. She recalls a previous conversation where she played around with her son about eating him and he got a bit frightened. Is that why he's asking? She then remembers that she recently watched a movie about a cannibalistic serial killer. Did her son somehow sneak downstairs and hear of this gruesomeness?

Questions for you: Should the mom explain any further? Into how much depth should the mom go? Is the mom thinking too much?

No need to answer. Before the mom could form any kind of response, the son looks at her, grins and says, "I'm just joking."

"If you sniff me again I'm going to tickle you."

Either I've become immune to crazy talk or I'm just repeating myself because for the past few days I haven't really written anything down. And I know I've been talking because, well, it would just be plain weird if I weren't. So I started thinking back on this past weekend and what we'd done as a family and the various scenarios that have occurred and have been trying to replay conversations and interactions to see if any one or two particular exchanges stick out as particularly hilarious or even mildly amusing. So far, nothing has jumped out at me. I even had a friend confess that at first, he wasn't sure how I was coming up with all these quotes, but then he and his wife spent a week with us and quickly realized that you almost can't help the oddities that come out of your mouth daily. So I knew there was something I was missing. And so I thought back to last night, before bedtime, and remembered that my daughter kept intermittently sniffing me. Not the deep drawn out breaths of my son a while back, but short sniffs in various areas followed by quiet giggles. After a few sniffs I was pretty much done with whatever 'game' this was so I explained to her what would happen if another sniff was attempted. We came to an understanding and the episode was over, but it really didn't seem worth writing down. Until now. I suppose these situations occur so often that I'm having trouble stepping back and actually listening to myself. So that's what I'll try to do again. Pretend my friends are back in the house listening, or my brother can hear every word say, and take note that some things just aren't 'normal.' But I suppose pretending people are around when they aren't isn't really 'normal' either...

"You know, I've never seen the fish use the stairs."

My neighbor very sweetly said this to my 3 year old yesterday. My son was admiring their fish and the tank and the various objects that were in it when he noticed that the bridge had steps. He peered closer, looked at the fish, looked at me and asked, "Does the fish go on there?" My friend, who is well-equipped with 5 children of her own, very thoughtfully replied first. My son just looked at her and said, "Oh." I, on the other hand, was going to say something entirely too 'thoughtful.' Something like, "Fish don't have feet so they can't really use stairs." Or, "It would be hard to use fins on steps." Or I might have posed this question for him to ponder,"How do you think the fish would get up those steps?"

"Please don't lick the iPad."

...or the table, or my face, or your sister's hand, or pretty much anything else except maybe some ice cream or a lollipop. This whole subject was covered months ago and many of you wrote in with your own licking experiences, but I felt the need to add to it, since I, well, had more to add. And I have one more from an unknown mother. I overheard this in a store bathroom the other day and I almost laughed out loud, but I stopped myself for fear of maybe being arrested or something. This is what I heard:

Mom: Oh no, don't lick that.
Son: Uuhh
Mom: Ew stop, I said don't lick it.
Son: Why not?
Mom: Because, just no. Put your tongue back in your mouth and let's go.

I didn't get to see mom's expression or child's face, and I'm still unsure what was truly going on but I really felt for that woman and could hear the anguish in her voice. I mean, it was a public bathroom.....

"Watch out, mommy has a knife."

Yeah, how many times have you heard that one, huh? At my house, that's how we roll. You never know what mommy's gonna do. Good thing daddy's around to keep the kids safe. It got pretty hairy there for a bit - child was getting off the chair, going in for a hug, mommy was wielding a chef's knife... It all could have gone horribly wrong had it not been for the quick thinking of daddy. With the raising of one hand and a stating of the facts, disaster was averted. Whew, that was close.

"It's okay, I won't cook you."

Yeah, I know, that sounds a bit creepy. And I almost left out that first part just for effect, but then I thought nah, it was part of the whole exchange so it needs to be included. My 3 year old was looking a bit frightened and his nervous laugh and hesitant steps backwards let me know that the game was over. I was just kidding when I said his arm would be tasty. I was just joking when I said his leg would be yummy after I grilled it. I was just playing when I said his cheeks would be delicious in a salad. At first he laughed and simply said, "Mommyyyyy no." Then it escalated to him running away a bit and saying, "No, mommy." And then he ran, stopped with eyes wide open and said "Mommy, NO. I just want a hug." As cute as it all was, I knew when was when and assured him that all was well. Then I ended the whole fiasco with an assurance of him not being cooked and eaten and lastly stated, "I'll just give you a hug." I think I noticed a slight hesitation before he ran over to me and gave me a full-on bear hug. You know what they say...it's all fun and games 'til someone gets eaten. Or something like that.

"That won't make my feet smell like bread."

I don't suppose anything would really, short of stepping on some, but the little guy thought there was a connection somehow between the bread he was eating and how his feet smelled. His sister was joking around, telling me to smell her feet (naturally) and saying they smelled yummy, like bread. So sweet boy took a bite and smelled his own feet. "Mmm," he said, "smells like bread." Then he came over to me and said, "Here mommy, have some. Then I can smell your feet." I just had to break it to him, I just couldn't let him go around thinking that whatever you ate influenced the smell of your feet, I just wanted him to be informed. My friends, who were sitting at the table and heard the whole exchange, thought it was all pretty funny. And I can honestly say I didn't initially notice anything peculiar about any of it until I heard chuckles. Just another 'day at the office' for me.

"Count in your head. I'm trying to relax."

Today is going to be dedicated to my lovely girl and some of the wonderful things that come out of that creative little brain of hers. The above statements were directed to her older brother a while back. I'm not exactly sure what the situation was, but I did hear him counting so I know where that part came from. No matter the why or where, it's just funny to me that a 5 year old needed some peace and gave her older brother a clear alternative to the situation at hand.

Here's some good stuff that happened earlier today:
We've got some friends in town who are visiting for a few days and today we were all in the van running errands. These friends have been traveling the country for the past year and have had many amazing experiences, but I'm sure today will rank up there as one of the ones that they'd rather not repeat. Before I go on with this particular story, I'd like to suggest you take a moment and visit their blog, 12legstravel.com.
PAUSE
Wasn't it great? Okay, back to the story: We had been in the house most of this rainy day and we finally got hungry enough to leave for a late lunch. Then we ran some errands and were showing our friends the city when the inactivity of the day began to wear away at the sweet demeanor of my children. They had all been placed in the back seat of the van to accommodate our passengers so by the time we were headed back home (anyway), their noise level and composure had both elevated and disintegrated, respectively. Our dear friends graciously smiled and kept conversing, and only occasionally would joke that perhaps having children wasn't in their future. After a few more miles of pure joy someone said something about knowing how to get them quiet...something about sneaking into their room tonight and scaring them...something about waiting until they least expected it...when my daughter proudly blurted out, "It won't scare me 'cause I'm not afraid of humans!!" We all just laughed and for a brief moment (very brief) there was peace and laughter and smiles and happiness.

"No...that's not the pig's butt."

This was the reply my friend gave to his 3 year old daughter the other day when they went to the fair. They were admiring the animals when they came across a pig who was turned around. The little cutie paused a second, then excitedly announced, "That pig has a little butt under its big butt!" Well, this story was funny to us in and of itself, but our dad friend went on to tell us a related story about his sweet girl and her 'announcements.' Apparently, the other day she came running over to him, semi-crying, stating that her sister had just kicked her in her little butt and that it hurt. He, in turn, paused and thought about what she had just said. 'Little butt?' This was a new and unfamiliar phrase for him. She reiterated, made a telling gesture, and he immediately understood. 'Oh,' he said, suppressing his laughter, 'I'm sorry.' And quickly walked away to tell his wife.

"Sit on your hand dude."

Everything about this statement is funny to me:
1) My husband said it.
2) He said it to our 3 year old.
3) His tone was like he was talking to a buddy of his.
4) He was totally serious.
And 5) Our son did it.

The thing is, our little guy has a tendency to, uh, how can I put this without being crude....stick his hand down his pants. We've been trying to find alternatives and my husband came up with this one for the car. We were driving along when he just looked in the rearview mirror and gave his suggestion. And it worked. Genius.

"There's a naked guy in the kitchen."

Now, I understand that it's completely possible that others have said this. I'm fully aware that, in different circumstances, this observation would be very fitting to the situation at hand. I can only imagine, very creatively I might add, where and how these words would fly out of someone's mouth. In fact, perhaps even one of you has let this slip at some point, possibly during those experimental college years...? But I'm not here to judge. Just report. And that's what I was simply doing. I was innocently pointing out what I encountered. We were doing a 'speed clean' the other morning where the kids would gather up as many items as they could find and put them where they belonged. I was doing a sweep when I came across what I came across so I made that announcement and moved on. But now that I've shared my personal 'why' it seems pretty darn boring, huh? I should have been purposely vague and left it at something like, "...I turned the corner and wow, my eyes could barely focus because of the sight before them. There, in all its glory, was the perfect figure of a man, unclothed, lying on the floor next to the fridge..."

"Don't touch it, just bite it."

What a funny thing for my hubby to just say, I thought to myself. But then I saw his sandwich...got it.

"Oh, that's just me wiping Ranch off a pillow."

As I've mentioned, I have a brother. He's the one who suggested I start writing down all the weird things I say to my kids. He's actually the one who made me see that what I was saying really was weird. So then I became more aware of what came out of my mouth. But apparently regarding only to what I say to young folks. So when he called the other day and we were chatting he was distracted by what he was hearing on the other line. Finally he said to me, "What is that noise?" So I casually replied, not really thinking that what I was doing was in any way odd. He paused, let out a slight chuckle/sigh, and proceeded to tell me that I was a weirdo and that 'normal' people don't do and say the things that I do. I countered with a yes, in fact, there is a whole world out there where people are constantly doing and saying things that sound crazy but actually have a very specific meaning and purpose. Those people are called 'parents.' He met that with a haughty "Whatever. Weirdo." And we resumed our conversation. Time passed and I had kind of forgotten about the whole conversation, until I was outside talking to my neighbor. I had a scrub brush in one hand and some cleaner in the other and so she asked what I was about to do. Once again in a casual manner, I answered her question: "Oh, I'm about to clean sunscreen off the windows." As I turned to work on my project, I caught a glimpse of the confused expression on her face. Then the whole 'whatever weirdo' discussion came flooding back. I just laughed as I cleaned (which, thinking back, might have looked a bit odd as well...) and wondered if maybe, perhaps, I was a weirdo...

"No, I'm not giving you anymore money. You swallowed that penny this morning."

The first sentence seems quite normal, right? Many a parent has said something along those lines so when I heard my friend say that, I didn't blink an eye. But that second sentence did make me pause. And she was dead serious. I kind of laughed and my friend then explained what happened, but I really shouldn't have been all that surprised. This cute little two year old eats rocks like nobody's business and if she can pick something up, it usually ends up in her mouth faster than you can say Jack Robinson (what a funny expression!). So then I told mama that it probably would be best if she took away the jar of coins that she had borrowed from my daughter that she was gripping onto for dear life and trying to hide from her.

"Speak nicely and don't pull your pants down."

Now, if that isn't some sage advice, I don't know what is. Words to live by. Seriously, it's wisdom like that that'll keep you out of trouble. I'm feeling wise today, who knows what'll come out of my mouth. This quick interlude ended with the little guy asking for a hug. 'Doesn't get any better than that...

"Can you help him? He's stuck in the pillowcase."

Poor guy, he went in head first and then couldn't get out. He was just trying to be funny, then it all went terribly wrong. His world got black. His arms were trapped. The walls were closing in around him. He starts to cry. His brother, who was sitting near him in the back of the van, was looking out the window and therefore missing the show. His sister let out an empathetic 'ooh.' His father was busy driving, but could hear the change in tone - first laughter, then sadness. I, the mother, caught the whole transformation and knew that precious time would be lost if I tried to make my way back there, so I simply addressed my oldest and made the request. My husband chuckled, my daughter breathed a sigh of relief and my son just said, "Oh, sure." Free at last, my little guy, with tears still in his sweet eyes, let out a cry/laugh and said, "Thanks broder."

"How did you get poopy on your foot?"

I just asked my son this question, not even 10 minutes ago. The reason it is so perplexing and a bit disturbing is that he was on the toilet at the time. I still have no concrete answer. He could not articulate how it got there, all he said was something like 'yeah, I got poopy on my foot' and 'there's poopy in the toilet and it got on my foot.' Yeah, but how??? How does a child do something like that, while still seated, and have it be on the back of his foot, near the ankle?! I don't get it, I just don't. That's probably best. When I told my husband he just said 'ew.' What else is there to say?

"No, there are no ladybugs as big as your bottom."

This was my response to my daughter's question the other day as we were walking in the park. "Mommy," she slowly asked, "is it true that there are ladybugs as big as your bottom?" She likes ladybugs, but she did seem a little concerned about their possible size. I asked her where she got this information. She looked up, and with a strained face said, "My brother." I just laughed a bit, knelt down and assured her that she had nothing to worry about and that those cute little ladybugs would stay cute and little. Then she asked why her big brother would say such a thing. "Because big brothers like to say funny things to their little brothers and sisters." And in my head I was thinking, "Hmm, that was a good one..."

"I'm staring at the kitchen because I'm wondering."

Daughter scooches next to me, stands and stares. After a few seconds, daughter asks, "What are we wondering about?" That's my girl. I tell her that something's missing, that we could use some different dining room furniture, or maybe some shelves, or maybe I'll just paint. She's silent for a moment, then says, "Mommy, you're funny." And walks off. Geez, she wasn't much help. Just kidding, she's my sweet girl, but I'm still wondering what change I can make around the house. I bought some paint...

This occurred about a month ago and someone from CSN Stores must have been eavesdropping because I got an e-mail asking if I would review a product! Now, last time we had a giveaway and a lucky follower won a gift certificate so now this time I get to pick a product and review it. I'm pretty excited. I'll post a picture of what I end up getting and how it just makes my kitchen so much nicer. In the meantime, I'll just go back to staring.

"Keep your pants on, it'll be fine."

I kinda don't want to explain this one. I sorta want to let imaginations run wild. I'm thinking the story wouldn't be nearly as amusing as what you could come up with on your own. So I'm just gonna leave it at that.

"Whatever it is, just say no thank you."

These incredibly profound, sincere, and yep I'll say it, wise words were uttered to my youngest after what seemed like endless attempts at understanding just what he was trying to tell me one of his cousins was trying to tell him to do. All I could get out of his sweet, little, highly-expressive rhetoric was the child's name. The name was preceded and followed by pointing and other animated gestures and I just got this feeling that whatever said child was trying to get my son to do probably wasn't in his best interests. So I calmly said what I said and sent him on his way, he seemingly quite satisfied with what I had just told him. One of my cousins, who happened to be sitting by me and caught the whole exchange, thought what I said was hilarious, classic, and highly useful and, right then and there, she vowed to use that one herself. Did I mention that she doesn't have any children? So I could only assume that her friends and coworkers would be in for a treat, and a little confusion, once she got home.

"Well, feel your own hair for softness."

The 2 oldest are in the back of the van. Daughter says, "Ouch."

Hubby looks in rear view mirror and asks son, "Did you pull her hair?"

"No," he replies, "I just touched it."

Skeptical of this answer, hubby and I look at each other before hubby continues, "Why did you touch it?"

Very thoughtfully, and rather quickly, our son gives this explanation: "I just wanted to feel the softness."

I let out a little chuckle. Nice one son, I think to myself.

Hubby, after only a slightly detectable pause, offers the above suggestion for the next time this urge might take hold of our son. Yes, feel free to use this one on your own children...or students...or anyone else, for that matter. Everyone in our car seemed appeased.

"Your daughter is really good at taking her clothes off."

This can go under the category of "Things you don't really want said about your child" or "Things you never want to hear."

However, I did say this to my friend a while back and I meant it in the nicest way possible. I was honestly impressed with her swiftness and speed - that little thing could have her pants off in 2 seconds flat - pretty impressive for a then-2 year old. My friend, who is pretty quick-witted, just smiled and said something like "Yeah, she can be naked before you finish a sentence. I'm so proud."

You gotta love your parent-friends!

Overheard conversation...

My friend overheard the following conversation this weekend between her son and my son. They were quite serious, sincere, and thoughtful:

Her boy: Can you teach me some karate moves?

Pause.

My boy: Do you promise not to use them on someone else?

Long pause. My friend catches a glimpse of her son's face. Pensive, wheels are turning, semi-distressed look on his face. (He has a twin sister...)

Her boy: No.
My boy: Then no, I can't teach you. (The ways of the ninja must wait another day)
Her boy: Okay.

Conversation over, boys move on to Transformers and Star Wars.

"Get your foot out of the peanuts."

I came home last night from taking our oldest to karate and while my hubby and I were talking, he casually mentions what he said to our youngest. What was funniest to me, more so than what he actually said, was his laid back demeanor. It was like he was telling me about his evening with the kids: what they played, where they went, how he had to tell our son to not put his foot in the peanuts... Very matter-of-fact. It was great. He's great. Happy 15 years!

"The longer you wait the more disgusting it gets."

I paused for a second, wondering just what my husband was talking about, but I couldn't figure it out. Then I heard, "It'll just get brown and then you'll really not want it." I had to go investigate, so I went downstairs to see this thing that was causing so much distress for my daughter. More..."Listen, if you eat it fast then it won't be squishy and gross and you can have something else." I look at my daughter who is standing in the kitchen with such a distraught look on her face, I didn't think her bottom lip could protrude any further. In her hand was the culprit: half a banana. I look at my husband who is calmly grading papers at the kitchen table. "She threw it in the garbage when I told her not to so I made her get it out and finish it. She can't just waste food like that." I nod in agreement. As I walk away I offer her these words of reason, "Just eat it fast, girlie," then I head out the front door.

"Now take a deep breath and go get the dragon."

"You have to be calm."
"And you have to be quick to get the dragon," my husband adds.

Quietly, our daughter walks out of the room.

"Don't come back without the dragon," we both remind her.

Aaah!.......Noooo!.........Ha ha ha ha ha!

Victory.

"Does it hurt? I'm curious because I'm not a boy."

My good friend from Michigan, who's in town with her family for a couple of weeks, said this to her son the other day when we went kayaking. The river is quite cold in the Northwest, even in the hot summer, so when her son jumped in the water and jumped right back out, holding himself, she queried if all was well. What struck me as most charming was her sincerity. She truly wanted to understand the other side. What a momma.

"Sissy said I used to drink milk from your boobies."

"Well..." was all my friend could get out before her 3 year old lost interest and walked away saying, "I gotta go feed the fish." I was actually kind of curious how my friend would respond but she never got the chance.

Here are some more sweet kid quotes:

"No mommy, take your hair off," my youngest pleaded with me in the van during our last road trip. We'd been in the car for a few hours and I was getting a little bored myself, so I started doing my hair in, what I thought was, creative ways, but he thought otherwise when he looked up and saw the ponytail on top of my head. I had apparently gone too far.

"Thanks for making me cute." Same cutie pie from above, said to her parents after a woman at a restaurant came over and commented on how cute all three kiddos were. So polite.

"Count in your head, I'm trying to relax." My daughter said to her older brother the other day. She obviously needed a mental break.

And the grand finale for today:
"Mommy, are mine gonna point down someday too?!" Here's the scene: Mom gets out of the shower, then 2 year old son, cowering in the corner, utters these words, horrified. Mom, only slightly offended, explains that A) They don't point down and B) He's a boy.

"You can't eat your cereal in the bathroom."

Talk about wanting to multi-task. My youngest just called me into the bathroom where he was, well, doing his business, and asked if I could bring him his cereal. He's asked for a book before but never any food so I was a little taken aback. After I explained that cereal needed to be eaten at the table and that when he was through he could go and finish it, he nodded in understanding. Now that's some serious room service! Maybe he was just thinking that if he got both things done at once he'd have more time to play?

"Stop trying to scare your sister with the tooth."

Classic case of big brother taunting little sister. Although it really was a harmless shark tooth attached to a necklace I did have a mild flashback to my childhood. I have a big brother. I was a little sister. He did do things to hassle me that, now looking back were quite silly and benign, at the time, really messed with my head. There was this whole 'gitter' incident that I don't care to revisit... Anyway, the point is, there was nothing to be afraid of, yet the simple action of showing his sister the tooth sent shivers down her little spine and tears to well up in her big eyes. I was instantly 5 years old and knew exactly how she felt. But then I was also on the other side, viewing the situation from my brother's/son's eyes and saw just how amusing the whole thing was. I mean really, he wasn't even touching her, just waving the tooth necklace near her face saying something apropos like, "Look, look, just look at it." He's a good big brother just like mine was and is and they care for and about their little sisters and sometimes they just want to have a little fun. I get it. Love you, bro.

"No, you can't eat poop."

My husband's cousin tries to explain why his 2 year old daughter would ask people if she can eat poop. He says something about her always wanting to see her diaper after he changes her and that he once joked to her about why she would want to and that he may have asked her if she wanted to eat it or something. Not sure exactly but there we were, on the back porch in Florida, and she's going around asking anyone who'll listen, "Can I eat poop? Can I eat it?" So my youngest hears this and in his sweet little voice he says a bit loudly and almost singing, "Noooo, we can't eat poooop." It's almost as if he's wondered the same thing himself...

"You don't have a wiener."

**Disclaimer - The following is a quick anatomy lesson between my 5 year old daughter and myself and may be a bit awkward. Read at your own discretion.**

"Girls don't have wieners."
"Well then what do you call it? My pee pee?"
"Yep, that works."
"But doesn't it have another name?"
"Uh, you can just say your private."
"I know about that one, but there isn't another name for it if you're a girl? I mean, boys can say pee pee, penis, wiener, private...what else?"
"That's good enough. You know what, just don't worry about it."
"But why do boys have so many names for it?"
"I don't really know. But anyway, are you ready to get your bathing suit on?"
"Oh, sure!"

"Stop trying to pee like a dog."

A Redbook reader sent me this quote with the following story:


"I said this to my daughter. She had gone swimming and the suit was dripping from the general area "down there" and she thought it would be funny to pretend she was a dog...I think I should have taken a picture or something!"


At first, I wasn't sure how this story would unfold, but I was glad to hear she had just gone swimming! By the way, if you like brownies, you should check out where this AZ reader works...yum...brownies.

"Stop dancing around naked, we have to go."

Now, I have a feeling my hubby isn't the only person to have said this (although he said it to a 3 year old...not sure about some of you!). It's the classic tale: parent trying to get ready, child happier without clothes, parent holding on to undies while child jumps and laughs, child runs in a few crazed circles, parent patiently waits for child to tire, child oblivious and carefree, parent looks at clock and realizes show must end so parent makes a stand, child relents, and circus is over. Or something along those lines...

"Do NOT play your kazoo on the plane."

This really needs no explanation. It's just one of those unwritten common sense 'rules' that you wouldn't think needed to actually be stated. But, once again, I stand corrected. We were on our first leg (of three) last night, coming back from our Florida trip. We'd been swimming and snorkeling and boating and generally just bumming around the beach for a week. The grandparents had gotten all the kids some goodies for the 4th and one, naturally, was a kazoo. I tried my best to forget to pack them, but my daughter is pretty diligent about not forgetting 'things' so one made it on the plane. No big deal, really, she put it right away after only one blow but I was still a bit shocked to hear that distinct sound in an airplane. Well, we're home now and happy to just bum around here for a while, so I'll be better about posting.

"It's okay, animals can't use scissors."

"Why not? Are they not strong enough?"
"No, they're probably strong enough, they just wouldn't know how to use them."
"Why not? Because they've never seen them before?"
"Maybe."
"But if they saw them would they know how to use them?"
"No because they don't have fingers."
"Oh, so they can't fit their paws and stuff in the holes."
"Right."
"So they couldn't really cut the rope then. I get it."
"Yep, so there's no need to worry about that."

This is an excerpt of the conversation I just had with my daughter. We're vacationing in Florida and were out on the boat we just rented when she started what turned out to be a rather long conversation about some scenario she conjured up in her head about her dad. Something about me driving the boat while pulling him behind and he holding on to a rope and then some animals see him and cut the rope with some scissors and what he would do, would he be okay, and how would he get back on the boat. I think I successfully allayed her fears, although I believe we missed a nice chunk of the boat ride.

"Please stop panting in my face."

"Please stop chewing in my face."
"Please stop smiling in my face."
"Please stop laughing in my face."

All said within a span of maybe 3 minutes. The last one resulted in chewed up carrot spit in my face. That's what I get for lying down on the couch and being at 'face level' with my 3 year old. He thought the whole episode was hysterically funny. And I was a bit amused myself...until the unfortunate ending. My oldest had a front row seat to the entire performance.

"How did you get an owie on your pee pee?"

Not a question I ever thought I would ask anyone. Ever. But I just did. Aah, the intricacies of parenthood.

"You really need to stop baaing/mooing."

You know the scene:

Kid finds a sound he/she likes. Makes said sound over and over. Mom and dad listen patiently for a bit. Kid keeps making new sound. Mom and dad hope kid gets tired of making it (silly mom and dad). Kid keeps making new sound. Mom or dad can't take much more and must put an end to new sound before ears fall off. Sound stops...but reappears at later times throughout the rest of their lives.

"Your butt is really hot on my neck right now."

My friend didn't see this one coming. Neither did her husband, even though he's the one who said it. But it was true and he was simply making an observation. After the long hike, carrying their daughter on his shoulders the whole time, he was, understandably, fatigued and warm. The little girl had no interest in walking any part of the way so, like any sweet daddy, he propped her up on his shoulders and enjoyed the fresh air with his family. Toward the end of the hike, however (after a few other borderline dandies to both children) he makes this announcement. At first he didn't think twice about what he had just uttered, but my friend said she just started laughing and then he realized that yeah, maybe that would have sounded a bit strange to the casual observer. So she shared it with me. And now I've shared it with you. Thanks for the laugh S and K!!

"You can't really ride a cow. They don't like that."

Driving along farmland through Idaho one sees cows and horses and such. For my little guy each encounter was a joyous surprise met with an announcement of each discovery. After a bit, he decided that he really liked cows and that he wanted one. This prompted a short conversation about why and what he would do with one. You can imagine how that went so no need to reiterate. Once he realized that cows wouldn't be as fun as he must have been imagining, he simply said, "No, I don't want a cow. I want a horse." Aah, simplicity.

"Oh don't grab me, I'm holding pee."

I hadn't gotten the lid on the coffee cup yet. The liquid shook. I was frightened. We'd been on the road for a while and my husband had gotten out to get lunch. The boys had to go, my daughter and dog did not, so I grabbed an old disposable cup from breakfast and handed it to them. The cup was handed back to me and as I was searching for the lid my oldest grabbed my arm to show me something. For one split second I thought the cup was going, the dog would get it, and a bunch of toys and papers would head to the garbage ('cause i wasn't about to attempt to clean stuff in the mcdonald's bathroom). But my son gently let go, the liquid stablized and the lid was attached, without one single drop hitting the floor. Whew, that was close.

"Why are you smelling me?"

I had moved to the back of the van at some point during our trip last week to sit with my boys for a bit. I was there no more than 5 minutes when my oldest grabbed my arm and sniffed. Then he leaned over and took another whiff of my leg. Then the other arm. After each inhalation he just smiled but didn't say a word. So then I just had to ask. He just smiled some more and said, "I don't know" and took another big sniff of my head. Um, okay.

Happy Father's Day

I thought it would be fitting to have a little something from a dad on this special day and it just so happens that a friend of mine has provided the perfect thing:

Conversation overheard last night by said friend between hubby and daughter. He is getting daughter ready for a bath when she hears this:

Daddy: Do you want to take your shirt off?
Daughter: No.
Daddy: That's exactly what you should say if a boy asks you that question!

Happy Father's Day to all you wonderful dads out there!

"Don't touch anything, not even yourself."

This one got a puzzled look from my oldest and I could tell he wanted to say something (like, huh? then how are we gonna...?). But he could tell by the grossed-out look on my face not to question the very strange words that escaped me. We've been traveling, the family and I, which would explain the lack of posts and the odd removal-then-reinstatement of the blog. Yeah, sorry about that. We've been camping in Idaho where the only Internet service was the General Store in the very small town a few miles away. I obviously didn't make it into town...too busy having fun rock climbing and hiking and playing. But now we're headed back home, back to bathrooms where you can't actually see the grime dripping from the walls. Okay, so maybe it wasn't dripping but when I walked into the gas station bathroom and took one look I instantly wanted to grab my children and spray them down with bleach. But I couldn't so the only thing I could do was try and impress upon them the seriousness of the situation. And I think I did. Job done.

"Don't stick the paddle up your nose."

He just thought that was so funny this morning. It still amazes me just what kids think is funny. I don't know why - you'd think I'd be less surprised or amused these days but I'm not. So after I say what I said, my son turns the paddle around and sticks it up his nose again, still thinking it's funny and still thinking I might too. And that's another thing that gets me - the innocent hope that their parents will somehow concede and find whatever it is they think is funny as hilarious as they do. And I have to admit, half (or more!) of the time their little antics have me in hysterics on the inside, but they don't know that...right? All they see is mommy with a straight face telling them to stop whatever craziness it is that they are doing and that whatever it is is not actually funny. But do they know that I sometimes turn around and let out a chuckle? Or run and recount the whole nutty event to my husband or brother or friend? Can they tell that I actually think they are funniest people in the world? Are they on to me??

"Did that baby come out of your nose?" OR "Is that a baby booger?"

Background:
Camping at the coast this weekend, in the van on our way to play in the sand, I brought grapes as a snack. My kids like to find the smallest ones and say they found a 'baby.' Grapes were eaten quickly and garbage was thrown away. After a few minutes, the following conversation occurred between my 3 year old and me.

Conversation:
Son (in a sing-song voice): Look, I've got a baaaby
Me: What do you mean? What is that?
Son: It's a baby
Me: Where did you get that?
Son: It's a baby, he he he
Me: Is it a baby booger? (because i know all the grapes were eaten, not one was left)
Son: No, it's a baaaby
Me: Did that baby come out of your nose?
Son: Ha ha ha, giggle giggle
Oldest son: It did! It's a baby booger, ew!
End of conversation.

When you're camping, the rules are a little relaxed anyway, right?!

"I'll draw you a picture right after I put my pants on."

My daughter draws pictures all the time. All the time. But this morning she asked if I could draw her a picture, for a change. Sure, I said, in just a minute. I was apparently taking way too long to get started (since her repeated appeals were followed by frustrated sighs when i replied that i hadn't yet) so finally I had to give her a concrete reason why and some sort of visual time frame. But, just so you know, I actually wrote this post before I drew her picture (shh, don't tell her).

"How 'bout you both be chocolate baby."

What did I just say?! What does that even mean?

- I'll be chocolate baby -
- No I'll be chocolate baby -
- I'll be chocolate baby -
- No, I'll be chocolate baby -
My two youngest went back and forth yesterday, passing Raggedy Ann to each other with each declaration. I had to find a solution and end this jabbering. It worked. Whatever.

"No...we don't keep poop in a bag, sweetie."

I wish I could accurately describe the look on my friend's face when she said these words to her 3 year old daughter. All I could do was just sit there and crack up. Our kids were running around playing and we were chatting in her living room the other morning when the little ones decided to check out their fish. My son happily watched the fish swim around while her daughter pointed out who was who. Then they went over to look at the frog and her daughter continued to astutely explain what everything was for. It was a sweet sight - my son eagerly absorbing all the new information, her daughter eloquently describing each item - when something suddenly caught our attention. We both looked over at each other, then back at the kids. Yep, she just said what we thought she said. Her daughter said it again, "...and here's the bag of poop, this is a rock..." Uh, that's the frog's food, honey. "Oh, ok. That's the food, not poop..." she continues. My friend and I look at each other again and I just start laughing, me having the mental picture of the look of astonishment on her face and her half-dazed questions that lingered in the air, "I wonder how long she thought that was poop...? Why would she think we saved poop...?"

"Stop, no! Don't pee in the hole!!"

My friend frantically yells to her son as she bolts out of the car. "But look, I can make it in the hole," he persists, proudly displaying his aiming skills. "Stop, it's full of bees!" she explains as she yanks him from his stance and shoves him in the car, not caring that he's not finished. She slams the door shut and continues the drive up their long driveway, hoping she reacted quickly enough to prevent too many bees from entering the car. Her youngest sits in shock in the back seat next to his brother. Grandma is also speechless. Only one bee has made it in the vehicle, but her oldest did not escape unharmed. He had gotten stung numerous times and was, to say the least, a little upset about how the whole situation unfolded. He just had to pee. Really badly. So mom reluctantly stopped the car at the bottom of their expansive driveway and he got out. He happened to notice a hole in the ground so he thought it would be fun to aim at it. While he was innocently going about his business his mom heard him mention something about a hole. That's when things started getting crazy. Mom jumped out, there were bees everywhere and suddenly he was whisked away, dazed, wet and achey. He hasn't tried to pee in a hole since.

"Um, stop making Batman kick your pee pee."

"Look mommy, look." ha ha he he

"Just a minute, buddy." (i'm getting the water ready for a bath so son is naked, waiting)

"Ha ha, look mommy!"

"What's up?" (done with water so i turn around)

"Watch this." (son shows me how toy batman can make his, uh, component move)

I have to admit, I felt a little weird saying what I said. But I said it. So I'll share it.

"Why aren't you wearing any underwear?"

You know, that question doesn't even sound so weird to me anymore. Seriously, if I heard another parent say that today at the supermarket or something I wouldn't even bat an eye. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or just sad, it just is. But then my dear brother pops into my head and reminds me that no, it's not common to speak the way I do and that yes, it is bizarre to have to ask someone why they're not wearing underwear. Which reminds me of a recent conversation I had with him the other day about Ranch dressing, but that's for another day. So...back to my 3 year old: I'm helping him change the other morning and he takes off his pj pants and has no undies. I pause for a second, trying to figure out what could have happened during the night to cause this curious omission but come up empty. So I ask what I asked. He, very enthusiastically, declares, "I don't have any!" Well, yes I see that sweetie, I'm just wondering how that could have happened. I quickly see that this interrogation is going nowhere so I drop it. For some reason it haunts me throughout the day, so I ask my husband when he gets home. His reply is the same as my son's, "I don't know." Another unsolved mystery. Perhaps I should keep track of those as well...

☺"Stop...don't be a weird mouth breather."☺

Yeah, that just happened. I read this text from my friend as I was taking a drink of water. I spit it out. Yeah, that just happened.

"Oops, you just stepped on a giraffe."

"Don't sit on the crocodile."

"Did you put the lion in your purse?"

"Oh don't stick that snake in your mouth."

These are all things involving animals that I said to my children this weekend. I've still got the rest of today and tomorrow, so let's see if I can add any more.

UPDATE:

"You have to let go of the shark before you can take your shirt off."

"No you can't eat both the soccer ball and the bunny."

As a parent you come across many situations where you're forced to set up some arbitrary rule or make some absurd statement just to make a point. Sometimes you say things that really don't make any sense at all. And other times you're caught in a moment of frustration or panic and announce a completely unreasonable command that no one in their right mind should ever or could ever follow. This, however, was not one of those times. We were all calm, happy even, just hanging out and playing. The kids were so good, in fact, that I was willing to give in to their request for a treat. So we got out the Easter candy stashed on top of the fridge and the kids began perusing the selection. The only rule I made was that they could only have one. So when my youngest picked out two, I coolly stated that he needed to choose just one. He weakly insisted that he wanted both and that's when I said what I said. He chose the soccer ball, the candy was put away and we resumed our cheereful afternoon. So under what category would this fall? The I-just-said-something-really-odd-but-no-one-thought-it-was? Or perhaps the man-that-was-weird-what-just-came-out-of-my-mouth? Or even the I-can't-believe-no-one-giggled-at-that? What do you think?!

"If your tummy says no then your mouth should say no too."

This very sweet, sincere, and quite profound statement was uttered by my darling friend to her 4 year old son just yesterday. The story goes like this:
Son and his friend were upstairs playing. Mama heard water running so she went up to investigate. Kids were about to give stuffed kitties a 'bath' in the sink. Mama said ,"No, the stuffed kitties don't need a bath." (I almost used that as today's quote). Son tries to reason with mama and explain to her that yes indeed the kitties did want to take a bath. Mama ends discussion and heads back downstairs.
Time passes, friend leaves and mama goes back upstairs. She walks by bathroom, glances in and notices a rug over the sink. Curious, she lifts a corner only to find two soaked kitties in a drained sink. She calmly beckons son to bathroom and asks for an explanation. They talk for a bit then she asks him if he thought the whole thing was a good idea. "Well, uh..... " he trails off, muttering an explanation under his breath. What's that buddy? "Well, deep deep down in my tummy I knew it wasn't okay." That's when she kissed his sweet dimpled cheeks, looked into his clear blue eyes and offered those wonderful words of wisdom.

A free giveaway? Cool!!

I technically didn't say this but I thought it, so that counts in my book (I have a very interesting 'book'). I know I like to get free stuff and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one, so I was quite willing to pass along an opportunity for a reader to win a $40 gift certificate for some beautiful track lighting at CSN Stores. I had never heard of CSN Stores before I was approached, so I did some investigating to see what it was all about. What I found was great stuff for the home, the kids, the office, and more (too bad i didn't get a little something for myself). If you're still not sure, just visit the site and browse a bit - I'm sure you'll find something to love. It's super easy to enter and once the deadline passes, one lucky follower gets to pick out something awesome and have it delivered right to her/his door!

Here's how to enter:

☺Follow me!! Simply leave me a little comment letting me know that you are now a follower of my site (only followers can be entered). You might even comment on something cool you saw on CSNlighting.com or just share a funny quote. Just make sure I've got your e-mail address 'cause that's how the lucky winner is contacted. ☺


To get another entry or two:

☺Join my Facebook page - "Don't Lick Your Pizza" - and other things parents never thought they'd say. Leave me a comment letting me know you've joined.☺

☺Blog about this giveaway and leave me another comment letting me know so I can resubmit your entry. Go ahead and post a link to both mommylingo and csnlighting.☺

- Open to all our US and Canadian residents. There might be some shipping or international charges, depending on item purchased -
Deadline is June 11 at midnight EST.

Good luck everybody!!

"Even monsters need to wear pants."

Especially if they take the form of a three year old boy who needs to get dressed so mommy can run some errands. Oh he was adorable and what was even cuter was the fact that he really thought he was scaring me with his growls! "I'm a monster, grrrr." Okay cutie let's get your shirt on. Shirt goes on. "Grrrr." giggle giggle. Okay we need to go, let's get your pants on. "I'm a monster, grrrr." giggle giggle. Aah. Okay, here are your pants. "No, I'm a monster, grrrr." You get the picture...

"No more 'poopy'!!!"

"You have to stop. It's not funny." (well maybe a little, but I certainly can't laugh). "If you say 'poopy' again you'll have to go to your room."

"Oookaay" says my 3 year old with an enormous smile on his face. As he walks away I could swear I hear a whispered 'poopy' but I can't be sure. Do I continue this inane conversation or do I just let it go for now? I decide to drop it. I'm sure it will come up again. And it has.

"What the what?!"

I totally stole this from my friend's son but I honestly did say it when I saw that Mommy Lingo was in Redbook magazine!! Seriously, check out the June issue of Redbook and look on page 116 and there you will glimpse a lovely snippet of this blog written by Marisa Cohen. As you can tell, I'm pretty darn excited about that. The only thing is, I haven't been able to figure out where it is on their website redbookmag.com. Perhaps it will appear in June? Perhaps I'm not looking in the right spot? Perhaps it won't at all? Perhaps I should just chill and wait and see??

Kind of in the same vein, I was recently approached by CSN Stores about doing a giveaway or a review, so be on the lookout for a giveaway soon!! Isn't this fun???